That's My King

Listen. Read. Think.

This is Love.

http://lukeplant.me.uk/articles/seven-way-king_younger.mp3

My King was born King.
The Bible says He’s a Seven Way King.
He’s the King of the Jews – that’s a racial King.
He’s the King of Israel – that’s a National King.
He’s the King of righteousness.
He’s the King of the ages.
He’s the King of Heaven.
He’s the King of glory.
He’s the King of kings and He is the Lord of lords.

Now that’s my King.

Well I wonder if you know Him. Do you know Him?
Don’t try to mislead me. Do you know my King?

David said the Heavens declare the glory of God, and the firmament shows His handiwork.

My King is the only one whom there are no means of measure can define His limitless love.
No far seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of His shoreless supplies.
No barriers can hinder Him from pouring out His blessing.
Well, well, He’s enduringly strong.
He’s entirely sincere.
He’s eternally steadfast.
He’s immortally graceful.
He’s imperially powerful.
He’s impartially merciful.
That’s my King.

He’s God’s Son.
He’s the sinner’s Savior.
He’s the centerpiece of civilization.
He stands alone in Himself.
He’s honest.
He’s unique.
He’s unparalleled.
He’s unprecedented.
He’s supreme.
He’s pre-eminent.
Well, He’s the loftiest idea in literature.
He’s the highest personality in philosophy.
He’s the supreme problem in high criticism.
He’s the fundamental doctrine of proved theology.
He’s the carnal necessity of spiritual religion.
That’s my King.

He’s the miracle of the age.
He’s the superlative of everything good that you choose to call Him.
Well, He’s the only one able to supply all of our needs simultaneously.
He supplies strength for the weak.
He’s available for the tempted and the tried.
He sympathizes and He saves.
He’s a strong God and He guides.
He heals the sick.
He cleanses the lepers.
He forgives sinners.
He discharges debtors.
He delivers the captives.
He defends the feeble.
He blesses the young.
He serves the unfortunate.
He regards the aged.
He rewards the diligent and He beautifies the meek.

Do you know Him?

Well, my King is the key of knowledge.
He’s the wellspring of wisdom.
He’s the doorway of deliverance.
He’s the pathway of peace.
He’s the roadway of righteousness.
He’s the highway of holiness.
He’s the gateway of glory.
He’s the master of the mighty.
He’s the captain of the conquerors.
He’s the head of the heroes.
He’s the leader of the legislatures.
He’s the overseer of the overcomers.
He’s the governor of governors.
He’s the prince of princes.
He’s the King of kings and He’s the Lord of lords.

That’s my King. Yeah. Yeah.
That’s my King. My King, yeah.

His office is manifold.
His promise is sure.
His light is matchless.
His goodness is limitless.
His mercy is everlasting.
His love never changes.
His Word is enough.
His grace is sufficient.
His reign is righteous.
His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

Well. I wish I could describe Him to you, but He’s indescribable. He’s indescribable. Yes.
He’s incomprehensible.
He’s invincible.
He’s irresistible.

I’m coming to tell you, the heavens of heavens cannot contain Him, let alone a man explaining Him.
You can’t get Him out of your mind.
You can’t get Him off of your hands.
You can’t outlive Him and you can’t live without Him.

Well, Pharisees couldn’t stand Him, but they found out they couldn’t stop Him.
Pilot couldn’t find any fault in Him.
The witnesses couldn’t get their testimonies to agree.
Herod couldn’t kill Him.
Death couldn’t handle Him and the grave couldn’t hold Him.
That’s my King. Yeah.

He always has been and He always will be.
I’m talking about He had no predecessor and He’ll have no successor.
There’s nobody before Him and there’ll be nobody after Him.
You can’t impeach Him and He’s not going to resign.
That’s my King!
That’s my King!

Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory.
Well, all the power belongs to my King.
We’re around here talking about black power and white power and green power, but it’s God’s power. Thine is the power. Yeah.
And the glory.
We try to get prestige and honor and glory for ourselves, but the glory is all His. Yes. Thine is the Kingdom and the power and glory, forever and ever and ever and ever.
How long is that? And ever and ever and ever and ever.
And when you get through with all of the evers, then,

Amen.

That's My King
S.M. Lockridge, 1976

Intolerant ("Welcome to Reality" Part II)

Are we confined to the purpose of wallowing in the misery of the despair of the world around us? Or maybe more applicable to many of us, even simply disconnect from it, choosing instead to live lives in a simple little bubble of work, play, school, and church, with people around us who agree with us, or at least tolerate us from time to time? And our priorities include only that which will not stress the edges of that bubble, or make us uncomfortable, or challenge our pride and lofty opinions. Things that are pleasurable, though ultimately superficial and meaningless in the grand scheme of this thing we have defined as reality, not to mention eternity. But really in the bubble how often do we truly attempt to understand the implications of this reality, eternity, or the consequences we can or may induce in either.

Sure, maybe we'll expand the bubble every once in a while to include another person or two, or conform it to meet the needs of a situation, but really do we ever dare to even think of a world outside that bubble? No, of course not, we must instead be content with the way things are, giving nothing but a glance to those who are not within but our deepest of confidences, though really how deep are even they, being more of mere acquaintances with those we call our friends, because really who has the time or desire to actually invest in a person, to actually know them truly. And I mean more than a handshake or a hug or a "Hey how's it going" and five or ten seconds of attention once or twice a week.

And that is absolutely despicable!

Yet, this is the world so many of us live in. Notice I use the word "us", not to exclude myself by any means, and I'll even go so far and be so bold to say that this is a tendency often enjoyed or at least expressed by the members of the BCM of Western Kentucky University, of which I am also a part of, and in which there are several people I very deeply respect and those who do not entertain such habits as the ones I speak of. But humor me as I make a few perhaps dangerous though curious generalizations. And before you get offended, perhaps you could examine yourself and hear me out. Perhaps you are experiencing these feelings of sharp defense because I am indeed about to threaten the stability of your own bubble.

But who would dare to pop our cozy little bubbles and maybe take a chance for once, to have a little faith? I'm as guilty of this as anyone, if not moreso. But does it make it any less true when I say Love cannot be confined to the little worlds of our own creation we choose to contentedly live and indeed cower in, and in fact I would go so far to say Love despises such things. Yes, people are different; this is inevitable. But can we not take a firm grasp on reality, on Love, cast aside our prejudices, our high and mighty, holier than thou mindsets, our opinions, our pride, our compromises, and even our own fear of being discovered to be what we really are behind all of the walls and masks and just say

My God! Please, please, break my heart for what breaks Yours. Let my lips speak only that which you wish your people to hear. Let me be Yours and Yours alone, and let Your Love be the only thing I long for, and the only thing shown in me because it truly is the only thing that is in me.

Can we cast aside everything we have set to be our priorities, and instead let nothing but this reality of Love to be a priority. Because really in the face of this stark reality, nothing even holds up to be second, third, or even on the list. Now, I'm not saying we should all drop everything and rush over to the deepest, darkest regions of the world to preach the Word. Yes, we must live our lives, go to school, to work, handle our responsibilities, but what could these things become when Love is let loose? Blessings, through which Love explodes! Love doesn't just take over our priorities when we choose it; it envelops everything we are and have to use it bless others and even us.

What could we become when we allow our comfy, pathetic bubbles to be popped, and actually invest in others, getting beyond the surface into what is, dare I say it, uncomfortable? Risky? Will we shy away because of what we might expose ourselves to be? Or will we trust that the same Love in us is doing a miraculous work in those around us as well?

Would we dare to draw attention to ourselves? To be different? To raise our hands and say no I don't agree and this is why. To stand out from the crowd instead of flowing with it as we are so inclined to do? To be uncompromising, unflinching, unwilling to back down because of the joy, hope, and power of the Love running rampant in and through us?

To be set apart, as we are called to be?

All because Love is what it is.

Can we possibly, finally, rise to the challenge of truly being the people of the one whose name we bear?

Will we be Christians?

Can we read the Bible, the very words the God we claim to love has given us, and believe it? And act on it? Without compromise? Can we love others without accepting the sin they refuse to let go of, or will we instead hesitate and rationalize for them? Often because of our own discomfort or willingness to tackle the hard questions of life...or fear of being labeled as close minded, intolerant, prejudiced, and bigoted.

I hate that word, "tolerance," by the way, simply because of the massive cop-out it has become, though let me qualify that statement before you think of me in any way hateful. But when did Love become an excuse for the depravity we wish to wallow in? When did we decide to sacrifice truth so that everyone is happy? Truth should not be compromised because people start to squirm in their chairs! There is a very significant difference between loving others and stamping a bug "OK" on everything they do. Must we allow sin, and at I'm sure major risk to myself and the respect of several of you I say such as homosexuality, to become wholly accepted at the dread of being called "intolerant"?

So does that mean Jesus was intolerant, a bigot? Because He refused to compromise for those that could not recognize their sin for what it was? Last time I checked, there were plenty of unhappy people around wherever He went, people who didn't want to get over their own self pronounced piety, and they ended up killing Him for it! Yes, He went to people who needed Him and His Love, His grace, and forgave them. But didn't He also say, "Go and sin no more"?

We are a church of failures, of fools, of flat out messed up people, of sinners. Sinners saved by grace. And yet this does not excuse the actions of others, and especially not our own actions! That the people of God, the ones who bear His very name, would dare to make excuses for the things the One who saved them despises is in itself despicable.

We as humans may be no better than that. And yet we are called to be better than that. Humans saved by grace. And transformed by Love.

So will we realize this stark reality and all of it’s implications?

Will we be wholeheartedly decide to be intolerant of ourselves, our own self proclaimed piety, our bubbles, our compromise, and just Love? And can we confront the hard things in life, and the things in those we Love, because we do indeed Love them?

What would this even look like, to dare to get out of our bubbles? Maybe it's a spontaneous call to just talk. Maybe it's a risk to trust at one's own personal risk and confide in another. Or even to sit down and ask, and genuinely be interested, invest, and listen to what another is going through. Or to lovingly confront. Or to talk about something you've been struggling with, or one of those simply hard questions in life. Or to just joke around, be ourselves with people we never thought we would. Or to stand out from popular opinion and ideas. Or to disagree with the things another is saying because it simply isn't right. Or to run the risk of being looked down on, even laughed or sneered at, disdained, for standing up for simple truths. You all are smart, creative people, I'm sure you can think of something and you sure don't need me for that. But I would challenge you to simply dare to not be comfortable. And to truly Love others. Those who are our brothers and sisters in the one whose name we bear, Jesus, so that He may be proud of us. And those who He so longs to wrap in His arms and lavish with His Love, those who are lost, so that He may proud of us. But most importantly, so that we may Love, and so let others know that they may know Love.

I don't claim to have all the answers; i could never hope to find or give them all, especially where Love is concerned. But then I guess that's why we aren't expected to find or know or give them all. And I guess that's why they call it faith.

"And these three remain: faith, hope, and Love. And the greatest of these is Love."

Please, do not be offended by anything I have said, though if such a thing suits you feel free to be so as long as it truly, honestly makes you think. Though indeed, much of what I have touched on are tendencies every one of us, just being humans, have dealt with and most likely will continue to deal with, so keep such things in mind. But if I made you uncomfortable in any way, well good! Call me harsh, but I meant to be, because comfort is overrated and certainly not required or really even a part of the lives we should be living outside of these bubbles that should not exist. Life is uncomfortable, is hard. If you haven't seen that then you need to start questioning where you've been living.

If you do have any questions or comments please feel free to offer your thoughts. I'm just one guy, and a lot of what I just said is probably confused and disconnected, and I am fully aware there is a lot there, but I would love to hear another perspective as the basic idea presented here is one we could all do to ponder a little longer.

And more than ponder, perhaps even do something about.

Dive Deep.

Stark ("Welcome to Reality" Part I)

So what really is this thing called reality?

Now before I go any further, don't think that I've lost it completely, that all this time away from writing has left me somewhat removed from my senses or grasp on that which I have put into question here, this thing called reality, or anything of the sort. On the contrary, the last several months have been quite intriguing on a personal level, and some harsh realizations have been made to come to terms with, but I'll probably go into that at a later point. No, I merely wish to raise a simple inquiry into what we as people think of the world we live in, this very existence even, something a little deep I suppose you could say, or perhaps even disconcerting, but I assure you as I'm sure you already know, this is a question each and every one of us must deal with.

It is a question of vast importance really, when you begin to think of it's implications. Because hidden away in that word lies all of the other questions that one may choose to debate, or even flee, in this life. This concept of "reality" contains the potential to shape our views on purpose, relationships, priorities, everything that makes us human really.

And so I here I ask, what really is this thing called reality?

Love.

That is our reality.

Now who could have seen me coming up with something like that...
I suppose at least it's nice to see even after so much time of not writing at least some things never change.

But seriously now. What else could it be? Alright yes, we live in a world consumed by war, by hate, by anger, by despair, and by sin. Even if we do not physically see it every single moment of every single day, even when we attempt to downplay these realities in our minds, that reality ultimately cannot be reasonably ignored. Especially when is so easily invades our very minds...

Indeed, it can be a very stark reality in which we live.

But when viewed for what it really is, the limits to joy simply do not exist.

We live in a reality solely dependent and in fact created out of and flowing from Love itself.

But how? How in this world with so much hatred and despair could Love truly be reigning in every imaginable and unimaginable avenue of this reality? I will tell you.

Because that Love is so great, so irresistible, so unstoppable, that it risked even the fate of humanity itself for the chance that each and every one of us might experience Love to it's utmost extent. For the possibility that we might finally just let go, let it break down us and every wall we have constructed, let it shatter every mask we have created so that we might just experience how indescribably awesome it is to be Loved. And to Love. To know Love.

Love put the fate of this reality into the hands of humans, and gave them a choice. To Love.

And yet just by looking around us we can see how miserably we have failed, and so have been cursed by it. Not merely the first two who were given this choice in the Garden, but each of us. A choice we were given, and a choice we have made and in ultimately failed in that choice.

For without a choice, could this unfathomable Love truly exist and be given a chance to touch as it so desires to, as some of us have experienced, and some of us so desperately need it to?

True, the world around us may not be fair. It may not be "fair" that all of humanity was cursed by the choice of the two in the Garden. It may not be fair that we are forced to deal with the consequences of those in power in this world, whether it be war or corruption or whatever else. And it may not be fair that we have to deal with the consequences of the choices of those around us, those we call friends and family, or even people we barely even know exist.

But is it really fair for them, too, to have to deal with the consequences of our choices?

It is fair that, by having given this choice, a choice we face every moment of every day, and in turn the chance to experience this incredible Love, that when we fail those around us must deal with the consequences of that choice?

No, it's not. It is not fair that we have been given this chance to Love at the phenomenal, potentially eternal, risk it places on the lives of others. And yet given it we have.

Not one of you reading this can claim not to made this choice.

And not one of us can say we have flawlessly dealt with this choice, this opportunity to Love. You may not have done something viewed to be as abhorrent as murder, but still none of us can claim never to have either lied, cheated, stolen, or failed to control our minds or tongues. None of us are perfectly faultless. We have all fallen short in making this choice, and so we and everyone else must deal with the consequences.

So we have been given this choice, and with it inherently comes a great risk.
And yet with great risk comes the potential for unspeakable joy, hope, and Love.

These are what makes the consequences of our choice so brilliant, because if in our failure we can so impact the lives of others, how much more so when we choose to Love?

Obviously, the reality of this reality is something I have very much had to deal with myself, and I must be honest. These last few months I have, however reluctantly, been brought face to face with the stark reality that we live in and the foolishness with which I have been prone to handle myself in this reality. The mind is a very dangerous thing, something each of us have to temper and control, and pride is not something that is easily conquered, nor is anything else that we find may find ourselves clinging to. Personally I have found it so easy to simply wish to have all of the answers, right in front of me, able to be clearly seen, perfectly outlined and easily comprehensible. And once comfortable in this train of thought I found myself very prone to become lost inside the mess that is my mind, often becoming cynical of certain things, downplaying others, rationalizing and reasoning my way through everything until I was complacent and pointedly analytical of everything. Overly so, I must admit. And I very simply began to forget that most basic concept of faith. That may not make any sense to you but to simplify it even still now every time I even think of the word "faith" it seems like a completely new idea to me. I knew it all, or I thought I did, the facts about that faith, about God, but that joy was not there, and the reality of Love living in and through me lost it's sharpness. I lost focus, suffice it to say, and the consequences of that are now painfully obvious to me. And I am thankful that by that same Love I was still blessed through it all in magnificent ways and have begun to come through it relatively whole, spared in ways I can't begin to imagine.

But anyways, what I meant by all that was that everyone in some way must deal with this choice and ultimately fails in some form or fashion. You may not see my ordeal as earth and life shattering as certain things you may have been through, and I certainly don't claim it to be and as I said I have been spared in ways I surely do not rightfully deserve. However, I think it brings up a brilliant point of perspective for the implications of this reality.

For me, I lost focus, and in doing so lost much of my joy and ultimately hope, hope of escaping such a mindset and eventually began to lose sight of the most basic aspects of this reality, such as faith, hope and of course Love. And really these things are what guide who we are, and as our conceptions of these things change so does our grasp on this reality. And in turn, perspective on our purpose and priorities.

Terrifying

"I want you to get swept away out there. I want you to levitate. I want you to sing with rapture and dance like a dervish. Yeah, be deliriously happy, or at least leave yourself open to be. I know it's a cornball thing, but love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. I say, fall head over heels, find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head and you listen to your heart…’Cause the truth is, honey, there's no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven't lived a life at all. But you have to try, because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."

So what’s a dervish again?

In the movie Meet Joe Black, Anthony Hopkins’s character uses these words to describe the passion he wishes for his daughter in life, where “lightning could strike,” as he would go on to say, at any moment and sweep her off her feet into joyous rapture and passion and love. I find these words a beautiful albeit humorous picture of the sort of joy and passion I wish for my own life, "to sing with rapture and dance like a dervish," and I imagine many of you reading this would as well The thought of such a life filled with constant excitement and adventure as we navigate the raging seas of life and desperately long and pray to discover love…

Trekking along day to day, week to week, year to year, it’s often difficult, I’ve found as I’m sure you have as well, to maintain even the thought, let alone the feeling and pursuit, of such excitement, such rapture. And this is true whether we are speaking of relationships with others or our faith. It’s not even so far as that we become ensnared in despair or hopelessness as much as contentedness, the comfort of routine, or possibly even what we see as coming to terms with reality. Not that these things are inherently evil by any means, however we must ask ourselves when comfort becomes complacency, when routine becomes apathy, when reality becomes compromise.

When we simply become so content with our current positions and situations that even if we begin to realize we have ceased our growth and progress, if we recognize that we have let our dreams and expectations slip even in the slightest, and then even if we have decided we wish to recapture that joy and passion, we never quite seem to get around to it. Not that we don't care, it's just that we're so wrapped up in this reality and putting one foot in front of the other that we cannot, or do not, summon the desire and fortitude to suck it up and start sprinting, throwing off and surrendering whatever needs to be in order to run, to jump, to dance, to overflow with rapture and passion. To strive for those dreams and expectations of love and joy that we once wished for just doesn’t have a place in our reality anymore. And for us as Christians, called to Love, to lavish, possessors of more hope than could hope to be quantified, even the idea of that overwhelming passion not being an integral, foundational aspect of our lives could be terrifying.

"I need to build my faith sometimes,
But I am so comfortable in mine…”
~FM Static

Work, play, school, even just life in general can make the pursuit of passion that we’re just too tired to even think about like we used to, or in our indecisive, erratic humanity we just can’t seem to keep that constant focus like we pray we could. It is hard, there’s no doubt of that; the reality of life is tough to be sure. But still, this is a reality that we must deal with quite often in the pursuit of anything we dream of, including the passion and Love our God wishes for us to grasp and strive for.

It’s not even that we find ourselves in the seemingly inescapable, desolate tunnel of utter brokenness. Maybe we really have reached a point in the race, in the pursuit, where we really are just tired. Or maybe we somehow find ourselves here and just don’t know how to get out of this place of terrifying comfort, where to even start, possibly because we barely even know how we got to this point in the first place. Any number of possibilities could lead us to the point where fiery passion becomes coals, not totally dead, but not exactly a blaze either.

And I’ll be honest, I don’t have even the slightest clue of how to 100% effectively combat this. I have no magical three step process to reigniting the passion of the pursuit. I struggle with this just as much as anyone.

But I do know this.
This is no way to live, truly live.
But I also know this.
We have hope.

Our God has never once in the span of eternity lost His complete and utter passion, His Love, for us fickle and complacency-prone people. He knew what we would be, what we would do, what we would become before He even created us, and yet create us He did. And even in our passion, even in our contentedness, even in our apathy, even in our doubt, even in our failure, the fires of His passion never die down. Even as we grow older, even if we view ourselves as completely different people, even when our mindsets, our thought processes, our ideas of anything and everything change, even when we begin to walk, perhaps even crawl, instead of sprinting with reckless abandon towards the Love He desires for us to experience, He is exactly the same God.

Exactly the same Love.

And if He has anything to do with it, I find it hard to believe that we can go very far at all before we are once again swept off our feet by His pursuit of us. Us, His love. Not that we can or should dilly dally around waiting for such a thing to happen, but at the very least with this hope we can remember. Remember our faith, our joy, our passion, our true hope and Love. And here we can somehow find that motivation and drive to strive and sprint, to cling to our desires and passion with conviction instead of compromise. To at least more than just want to. Because our God really does love us that much.

"Take me as I am, 'cause I'm going
I was too scared to start, now I'm too scared to let go
Take me as I am, 'cause I'm growing
But it's so hard to tell when I'm not used to this so..."
~FM Static

As Anthony Hopkins’s character put so well, if you haven’t found that passion in life, “well, you haven't lived a life at all. But you have to try, because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."

It is okay for us to find comfort and contentedness, but we must also remember the potentially terrifying difference and very fine line between these and the potentially terrifying concepts of apathy, complacency, and compromise. Jesus and the Love that He brought and taught was not set on simply being comfortable, in fact He shook, rattled, and rolled the worlds of people until their very foundations came crashing down and any comfort and contentment they thought they had all but evaporated, and His Love still does this. Neither is the Christianity of the Bible a faith of or for the complacent. And there can be no underestimating the importance of remembering the possible applications of these thoughts to both relationships with other people and a relationship with our God. So can we at least try? Because it really is all about the pursuit, and the pursuit really is all about Love. A Love that is so simply terrifyingly awesome that nothing is worth compromising it. And the very thought of doing so should be terrifying.

But then again…

“If everything comes down to love,
Then just what am I afraid of?”
~Addison Road

Dive Deep

Bound

How many things in this world do we find ourselves bound by....

Thoughts.
Relationships.
Work.
The past.
The present.
The future.
Those we surround ourselves with.
The things we find most despicable about ourselves.
The longings we so desperately desire to fulfill.

Just life in general.

Not that many of these things are in any way inherently evil...

But still...

We find ourselves bound, and it is here that we often find ourselves in the most vulnerable, the most helpless, the most hopeless of predicaments.

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart."
~Proverbs 3:3

Around my neck I wear a necklace, as do many people. And on that necklace, as on those of many of those people, there is a cross. It's nothing special, just a piece of what I think is some sort of stone cut into the shape of a cross. And alongside the cross is a ring. Nothing fancy, just a cheap band of cheap metal. Two very simple, ordinary objects, but it's not the quality or showiness of these objects I wish to draw attention to. Think about what they represent.

The cross.

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us." 1 John 3:16

The ring.

The symbol of a promise, between friends, between a man and a woman, and for me between myself and my God, to remain faithful.

Love and faithfulness.

Now sure I took this verse a little bit more literally than most, however before I explain why I'm even sharing this and where I'm going with it I wish to raise a question or two.

What have we bound to ourselves?

Or maybe it's more like what have we bound ourselves to?

There are so many possible answers to that question.

So this necklace of mine, like I said, isn't exactly the most extravagant piece of jewelry in the world. It probably barely even qualifies as jewelry. I've dropped the thing more times than I can count, and on more than one of those occasions it slammed into the floor, the cross broke, and I was forced to scramble around looking for the pieces and then attempt to superglue it all back together. The last time I even managed to knock a decent chip off the bottom that despite my efforts I was unable to find. And how awesome an illustration this is of our hearts, of our love.

We in our humanity are often so fragile, even if we don't wish to admit it, and our hearts just that much more so. And time after time we screw up, we fail, and our hearts and the desires and abilities to love and be loved it contains shatter, and we are forced to gather back together the pieces and desperately hope we salvage what we can with superglue, maybe even a little duct tape.

But we have hope. It is the fact that the Love of our God is so drastically different than that which we so often hold in our own flimsy hearts. This is the means by which our broken hearts can be mended. His Love cannot shatter, will and simply can not be broken or compromised by any means in existence, its depth and reach unfathomable, and its implications astounding. And because of that He never ceases to be faithful.

The ring I wear around my neck, though not even a year old, has already started to turn some weird copperish color around the edges. Like I said, cheap. But that which it symbolizes...
Some may call it a promise ring, and I suppose to some extent that is what it is, but it also means just a little more. Yes, part of it's meaning is to represent the vow I have made to my wife to remain pure, but so much more than that it will show her that there is nothing on this earth more valuable to me than her, nothing I would compromise that would or could ever harm her, nothing I would not risk, would not sacrifice to be hers and hers alone, that to even be able to love her as my wife, and her alone, is one of the most precious gifts I will be given. Me, in my shifty, shaky, consistently dissatisfied and delusional humanity. If I can say that, if we can even desire a love that, how much more can we expect from a God who to the farthest stretch of the imagination and so beyond is Love itself?

How much more will a God who has not changed since before the beginning of time remain faithful to us, those He has created for the sole purpose of lavishing us with Love with the desire for us to do the same in return, a God who did risk and sacrifice everything when He made Himself a man and gave up His life to show us that Love so we can be with Him, our Love, and share in that Love for the rest of eternity.

Even when we repeatedly, consistently insist on binding ourselves to the things that break His heart.

Now that is love and faithfulness.

So I ask again, what have we bound to ourselves? What have we bound ourselves to?

A love like that? A faithfulness like that? Are we even capable of such a thing?

Are we at least willing to try to be?

What would that do to us...

If we could remember these two incredible concepts and implications they hold. If we could maintain our focus and realize that even with all these things spinning around us, the things we are so tempted to bind ourselves to because of the madness of this world, because of our loneliness, because of our desperation for peace and rest, because of our desire to be loved, the Love and faithfulness of our God is so much more awesome. That it is better than everything we ever have been and ever will be looking for. That it is everything we have been and ever will be looking for. That they are. That He is. And so much more worth it.

Worth the sacrifice, the unyielding resolve, the pain and heartache, even the moments of despair. Even being shattered. Even when our hearts break, will we refuse to let our love break with it? We are called to be faithful, to love, to bind love and faithfulness around our necks. To write them on the tablet of our hearts where it will always guard and guide us to that safety, comfort, peace, rest and Love. Because our God is so faithful.

And because our God is Love.

What will we bind ourselves to?

Dive Deep

My God, My God, Why Have You Not Forsaken Me?

He Chooses.

Your love is pure, Your love is precious
Your love is all I need
Your love surrounds me, Your love astounds me
Your love is everything

I run to You when my heart is weak
I cling to You, You're all I seek
It's my heart's desire to be close to You
Here in Your arms I'll find my strength

Everything I want, everything I hope in
Everything my heart cries out for
You're everything I want, everything I hope in
You're everything my heart cries out for

I know I've touched on this subject before, I even shared this same song not all that long ago.

But still, in this moment, I am completely astounded by the sheer insanity of it all. Because that's what it is, isn't it?

That we would dare to believe such a thing, that we would even dare to consider the possibility...who do we really think we are?!

That a God, as so unfathomably powerful that He could create the universe with a mere breath and in the space of the same moment make it to have never even existed with less than a thought, a God so unimaginably huge exists in and through that same universe and still far beyond its greatest reaches, a God who is not bound by any law of space or time, but in fact created those very concepts, a God who rules and reigns wholly and totally and does so everlasting, who is everything that good and pure and lovely, a God who is in fact Love, that a God like that would Love...

Us.

A people who are called the epitome of Creation and yet have never failed to destroy it, who in fact brought destruction upon that Creation with our initial and continual rebellion against the very One who chose us, chose to Love us so irrationally and recklessly, a people who shift more easily than the wind, on our knees singing praises like the one above with one breath and cursing His very being with our actions, or worse coasting as though the raging Love being lavished on us does not in fact have the power to radically alter our every second with it's boundless power as we claim to believe. And I am as guilty of this as anyone. I've been called arrogant, cocky, a fool, and a fake. And perhaps I am, all this and more. I never fail to continue to fail and disappoint the incredible God who saved me, who in His great love and mercy picked me up out of the mud and continues to do so despite my foolishness. I admit to this and I am ashamed. And yet my God loves me still.

And yet He loves us still. Knowing all of this, before He even began to form Creation, He chose us.

It's even more than just being His favorites. It's like even if we were the only being to ever be, He could not possibly love and lavish us any more. Now that's insanity.

And yet it is what we believe.

It makes no sense...

And yet it makes perfect sense.

Because that's what Love is.

A choice. A choice He gave us and a choice He makes every day, where instead of wiping us off of the face of the earth, He continues to lavish us. Instead of turning His back on us, instead of forgetting about us as we so continually turn away from Him and, fail to remember Him, He chooses to choose us, to plead with us to understand that His grace truly is sufficient and His power is made perfect in weakness as it says in 2 Corinithians 12:9.

Now that is hope.

So what will we choose?

Will we dare to believe it?

We are daily, even in every moment, given a choice. A choice to love God and to love those around us. A choice to recognize that we have indeed been chosen, and a choice in how to respond to that reality. And it is our response to that choice that will ultimately define us. I would very much encourage you not to overlook the implications of these things.

So what will we choose?

Dive Deep.

Shattered ("Through" Part II)

Another of the Christians with us in our discussion at the Veritas Forum had before used the illustration of how we are a lot like children standing next to a hot stove, and God, our loving Father, telling us not to touch the stove, but still we continue to reach out, our hands drawing closer and closer. And then we get burned. Just as He said. And I discovered this to be a perfect analogy for this situation as well. The reality is we all sin, we all have rebelled against God. And even though our God disciplines us, tries to teach us, when we go to touch that burner, it is hot, and it will burn us. So was the burning itself God punishing us? Or merely the consequence of our own foolishness?

The punishment the Israelites endured because of their rebellion against God was something they had been warned about by God Himself. Even with the reality of the world beyond our own being so much more in that day, the knowledge of God and what He had done for them so much more vivid, time and time again they refused to listen, and time and time again they found themselves burned and blistering. Just try skimming through Judges and you'll see how insane it was. A nation of bipolars. And so they time and time again had to deal with the consequences of that disobedience. Even today, we are forced to deal with the consequences of the rebellion of Adam and all that has happened since, a curse passed down through the generations. A curse that continually ravages our world.

Is it fair that we should be forced to live with the consequences, punishments, and pains caused by the sins of others, even those who came far before we did? Maybe, maybe not.

But is it fair that others should have to deal with the consequences of our own sins?

Everything we do has a consequence, in both this world and the next, so before before we point the finger and lay the blame perhaps we should take a moment to remember this. For those of us who have embraced the Love of Jesus we have hope and security in what lies ahead, but still in this world of sin, of darkness, loneliness, heartache, suffering, death, and depravity, the consequences of our sin are still very much real.

And so we find ourselves back in the tunnel.

The tunnels of everyday life are a simple yet harsh reality of that life. But they aren't there because of some sadistic madman who spun the world into motion and then left us to try and fend for ourselves. And like I said before I don't pretend to have all the answers to the "why" questions in all this, but I have seen one thing: our God loves us.

And because of that Love, in which there is boundless hope, comfort, joy, and power, we can make it through. Not just around.

We want His best. But that's the thing about the best...

We're going to have to make it through.

And so we can.

Through.

Sometimes we need do need to be disciplined...

"And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
'My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.'
Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. 'Make level paths for your feet,' so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."
~Hebrews 12:5-13

Though this may not always be the case.
So why does our God give us these things that become our tunnels? And why would He ever lead us through these tunnels? At least the ones we don't trap ourselves in...

Because maybe sometimes, just maybe, it takes a little blunt force trauma to see what's behind the mask. The man, the woman, the child, the hopeless wreck who wants nothing more but to see and show the reckless abandon of the love of our God, to be the one we feel inside wishing to burst forth and show the world what has happened to us, what we have truly become, not what circumstances or people or anything else have us currently portrayed to be, trying to be, acting, where it all feels so temporal, fake even, not the man or woman our awesome God has transformed us into and is continuing to shape and form with His miraculous love. To just want to be that, to be real, for everyone to see the passion that has enraptured our every everything, every fiber of our being, all we are, our heart and soul, just wishing to burst forth, like the rushing of the floods of heaven being poured out on His earth, on His people.

God please shatter this wretched, cursed mask.

Because maybe it's what's behind the shattered mask that we need, need to see, need others to see.

Need to really be.

It's when the mask is shattered that the ravishing blessings God has lavished on us, those things that instead became our tunnel, can be seen for what they really are, without the warping of the fall. When the mask is shattered that we can see through the utter darkness of the tunnels of life.

We can finally see. And we can have hope.

Even when life is just being life.

From what I've seen in my meager 19 years, and especially the past four years of the life my faith (the day of the Forum was my spiritual birthday by the way woohoo! and really everything that happened was an awesome present but anyways...), one of the most beautiful and brilliant things I've noticed is that no matter how hard evil tries, no matter how much sin and chaos and confusion and suffering has a hold on the life of a person, the Love of God is still so much more powerful, and when released for even one second can utterly transform the perversion into astounding beauty. How much moreso than in those times when everything is crashing down is there a potential to see the power of the Love of God? How much moreso do we notice the brilliance of the light shining through the crack than when surrounded by darkness? Not that the light is dependent on the darkness, far from it, but we in our imperfect, finicky foolishness that is often never fully satisfied with the brilliance we have been given sometimes forget that which isn't put right in front of our faces in the day to day drag, even though it really is right in front of our faces. So how about that mask?

Maybe we just need to be shattered.

My God, my Father, please show me, show them, what is behind the shattered mask.

Dive Deep.

(As a final note, I know that this topic of discussion is way too big for me to cover as a solo act, and I haven't even said as much as I would have liked even though I covered a wide spectrum of ideas and vantage points, but still with the length it already is if you're reading this I consider that probably a miracle in itself, though I tried to break it up into two parts. But if you have any thoughts, ideas, or questions please feel free to comment, to ask. I would thoroughly enjoy diving deep with you.)

Tunnel ("Through" Part I)

I realize it's been a little while since I last wrote, and apparently there has been a bit of a backup of thoughts over that time. Either that or God has seriously astounded me in the last few days with some heavy stuff. Probably both. Definitely the second one. So please bear with me through this though it may turn out to be a little lengthy...

The story I had been sharing several weeks ago began to be written early in my junior year of high school, in a time where I just beginning to understand the relationship I now relish in. I didn't have any idea really what it was I was writing as I sat in my old youth room that evening and quickly scribbled out a small section and incredibly rough draft of what has now become that story, especially that it would become what it is, but after a couple of years of additional parts and bits of editing here and there, there it is. Over the years I have often found myself looking back through it from time to time. And it never fails to continually astound me that all of that...that's us. That tunnel, that whole thing, that's us through and through.

An obvious meaning of the tunnel is natural human depravity, while we are trapped inside our sin with seemingly no way out. That is, until Jesus took a giant sledgehammer and shattered that tunnel by and in His love for us. But the tunnel has a very much more personal meaning as well.

We all go through our own personal Hell on Earth. We all have our tunnel, a tunnel that does not truly exist but still torments us day in and day out sometimes to the point of utter desperation. A place we loathe but simply cannot seem to escape. Escape the anguish, the bitterness, the solitude, the rage, the helplessness, the hopelessness, the darkness...

We just can't get out.

This tunnel can be any number of things: relationships, identity, even our very humanity. And very rarely is it exactly the same for two people because we each have different minds, different ways of thinking. Different torments. Mine is pretty much as close to literally all in my head as you can get. My tunnel is my mind itself. Call me your classic overthinker, and so often it is so easy for me to retreat into the dark recesses, making it just that much harder to pull myself back out when I truly wish to. For years now I've been wrestling with it, and still I can't seem to completely rid myself of the darkness of this tunnel that does not exist. But this isn't Sean 101 so moving on with my point....

The ironic thing about all of this though, is that so often God is the very one who in His magnificent Love chose to bless us with the very thing that becomes our tunnel, like for me a mind that enjoys going into overdrive way too much. For many people it's an extraordinary desire to love, and especially to be loved, even to the point of extreme measures. I would encourage you to contemplate and try to define what your particular tunnel is if you haven't already. You'll be surprised what kind of light it can shed. But when you think about it, the fact that it is the things God blesses us with the most that we view as our deepest curse makes all the sense in the world, for what is sin at it's most basic level but a denial of the things of God, and what do we find in sin, what is darkness really, but a twisted and perverse imitation of the brilliance of the things of God?

Like I said, we all have our own tunnel. But still, there is that crack. And what hope there is in that.

But even on a slightly simpler, day to day basis, how often do we seem to encounter tunnel after tunnel after tunnel. And being only as human as we are, we can only take so much before we ourselves start to crack, to break. And we beg, plead, pray for God to somehow steer us around them before we really even have to deal with them. Because the tunnel...well it's not a exactly a fun place to be. Definitely not filled with the joy and peace and love we were promised when Jesus tore down the tunnel and washed away the anguish, the bitterness, the solitude, the rage, the helplessness, the hopelessness, the darkness by His incredible sacrifice.

Or is it?

See that's the thing, with the hope we have. We can actually make it through the tunnel...not just slyly sidestep around it.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for You are with me..." Psalm 23:4

This past week we had the first Veritas forum at Western Kentucky University, and though I thoroughly enjoyed listening to one of the world's more prominent quantum chemists it was the conversations afterward that really shook me. I eventually found myself conversing that evening about the Love of God, of all things, and eventually the conversation come to a point where one of the people we were talking to made a comment about how God wasn't always Love, couldn't have been, because how could all of that wrath and anger be part of a loving God?

Now this is a question that has been pondered and discussed for centuries, and me with my measly 19 years of life experience could never hope to have discovered the absolute answer to this question. It also reminded me of the question that always seems to come up: Why do bad things happen to good people? How can there be so much suffering in a world that a God who loves, who is Love, rules and reigns over?

The first thing I thought of was the example of the Father, the reason we call Him Father and part of the reason why He is referred to as our Father. Any parent will attest that when a child misbehaves, when they disobey, rebel, whatever, discipline is needed. Not because they love to reprimand their child, but simply because they love their child.

But then another comment was made about how some parents are less severe with discipline, while God seems to be almost cruel, abusive was the word used. How could a loving God kill hundreds, thousands of people. This got me thinking, and I really wish that they had waited a few more minutes to kick us out because I never really got to think through and answer this question. At the moment I mentioned how well the penalty of sin is death, eternal death of course. And I've heard it said before that when those people died it was because the wages of sin is death as it says in Romans, and that because of their unrepentant hearts it would have been their fate anyways, which of course is something only God can know. And maybe that's true. But maybe there is more to it than that...

You Think You've Seen the Sun

There must be something about the stars....

Okay so maybe this time it was more the campfire under the stars, but that's neither here nor there.

For two days now I've been trying to write what has been rolling around in my mind for a while now, one of the reasons I decided to republish that story that I hope you have sifted through and enjoyed. I was planning on having that lead up into a thought I've been digesting lately...but apparently it's going to have to wait for another time when God decides to let my thoughts coagulate enough to focus on it. Instead, for the last two days, it has been this thought that has been running past my eyes and through my mind...

When we recognized the awesome Love that Jesus lavished on us, when we finally embraced all that He had and wanted for us, to be with Him and to love Him, He gave us His very best. We didn't deserve it, and we still don't and never could, but there it is. I think it's wired into every part of our humanity, to somewhere desire the very best, to want only the utter prime of what life, and for us what God, has to offer.

So why do we so often compromise?
Why are we so tempted to give up on that dream of attaining the absolute perfection of everything we desire?
In life, in joy, in peace, in who we are, in what we can do, in what we are called to do, in Love.
Why are we so often content with merely being content? With lowering our standards even just a smidge or two. Of settling.

We don't ever have to settle. Not us.

We were promised the very best in everything we have and do in this life. We were already by the grace and mercy and Love of our God and the incredible sacrifice of Jesus Christ given the very best of hopes, of futures, of Love. And so shouldn't we also after having tasted that perfection so desire the same for every other aspect of our lives?

We should want the best. His best. But here's the thing about the best. In this world of depravity, of darkness, of loneliness and heartache, that though seems so messed up manages to somehow keep spinning, everything around us, even down our very humanity, is fighting full throttle against the best. It is a war after all. And so the best will not come easy.
It will take focus, it will take time.
It will take prayer, and it will most likely take pain.
But still, it is the best, and when God is the one dealing it out who can even imagine what kind of awesome power can transplanted into our lives.

What could that kind of thinking do to our pursuit? Of God. Of Love.
Even on a day to day basis, the consequences are staggering. Awesome.
To never settle, to never back down...oh I how I pray that I could live like that.

Of course the danger in all of this is fooling ourselves into thinking that what we believe to be our best for us is automatically God's best for us. And discovering the difference is a road to be traveled by prayer and patience, a journey for you and God and can be a wearing task of its own. But with the best at stake...

We don't deserve it by any means or stretch of the imagination. But there it is. That is what has been offered to us.

So we can either wonder what could happen, what could have happened, why it didn't happen as we planned, why something like this could happen to us because all the while were too afraid to for once take a leap of faith and pursue with as much reckless abandon as our Savior pursued us that very best...or we can jump...and pray to God we can fly.

"Have you never heard?
Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of all the earth.
He never grows weak or weary.
No one can measure the depths of his understanding.

He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.

Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint."
~Isaiah 40:28-31

So will we soar? Will we launch ourselves off of that cliff of the unknown, of the uncertain, certain only that we already have the best? And that we can have yet more of the best, in every avenue and facet of life, if we will only pursue it. If we would just fly, or even dive. Dive deep into His best. Into His Love, determined never to come up from the fathomless depths of what our glorious God has to offer: His best. Because of His perfect Love, the ultimate best that we already have.

What could happen, in the space of just one second, if the Love of Jesus showed up?
If we just allowed to let that love be unleashed...
All that unimaginable power, allowed to be released in the space of just a single second.

Awesome.

If we would just Dive Deep.

A Story (Part V)

I must drown.

Without giving even a chance to a whisper of a second thought to enter my mind, I inhale deeply, filling my lungs with this death-bringing flood from the one who had broken through the tunnel that does not exist.

I inhale, and inhale, until my lungs become saturated with blood and begin to burn with even greater and greater intensity. I gag and sputter and writhe in pain, but I know that I must drown. Above all else, I must die.

Then I drown.

Then I die.

My corpse lies there as, all around it, the blood rushes away, leaving the pathetic lump of flesh that once housed my soul lying on its back, limp.

Dead. Very much dead.

I lurch forward, sitting up and spurting and hacking that life-bringing blood from my lungs.
Alive. Very much alive.

Then I notice something. Two somethings actually.

One: the laughing is still very much filling the tunnel, though the blood has completely receded. Two: I am no longer in a tunnel.

The tunnel that does not exist truly no longer exists. There are no walls, no void, no tunnel.
Just white.
Just light.
And just laughter.

And so, I simply sit, allowing the light to cascade over my body and the laughing to warm my heart and soothe my mind. And I begin to laugh.
And I really laugh.

And I laugh and I laugh and I laugh, for there is no end to the laughter where there are no walls, no void, no tunnel.

There is just white.
And just light.
And just laughter.
And my laughter merges and mixes with the laughter of the one whose wounds I had held in my hands, whose light had pierced my tunnel of anguish, bitterness, solitude, rage, helplessness, hopelessness, and darkness, whose blood had brought me death and set me free to life.

Life.

Just White.
Just Light.
Just Laughter.
And in that laughter, there is just love.

A Story (Part IV)

It is blood.

My first reflex is to run, for I know that inside this tunnel I will be crushed underneath the power of this red river.

A River of Death.
Pure Death.

But even as I begin to attempt to flee, the current of surging blood that is rapidly filling this tunnel that does not exist overpowers me and takes me under, and the further down I find myself, the darker it seems to become, until even the darkness I had always known in the tunnel that does not exist sees warm and comforting. I strive for the surface, for air, my mind screams that even the blackness of the tunnel will save me from the flood.
So I struggle and struggle and struggle, fighting to hold on, even if it is only to survive and stay in the tunnel. I am frantic, heart and mind racing.

I struggle and I struggle and I struggle until I cannot possibly struggle any longer, and just as I begin to lose all hope and succumb to the darkness the blood seems to be bringing...

I hear a sound.

The laugh.

It is the laugh of the one who had created that crack, who had authored that paper. It is coursing through this river of death, more vehemently and thunderous than ever, rushing through the crash of blood against the walls, floor, and ceiling of the tunnel and that which is still gushing through the crack until everything seems to be saturated by the laugh, every molecule vibrating with the joyous glee.
I forget my struggle for a moment, intently focused on the laugh. And I notice something.
Something I had never noticed before.

The laugh.
It isn’t just a laugh.

It’s words. A message. Three words. The same words I had seen flawlessly scribed on the white piece of paper. That simple phrase:

“I love you.”

Over and over, that message is echoed in the laugh. Over and over and over. I float, suspended, for a few moments in the pool of blood, mesmerized by the laugh, unaware of all else.

Then my lungs begin to burn, like the very fires of hell were clawing at them, trying to tear me down from the inside into the abyss. But the laughter only grows more intense, almost to a point of pleading, and that’s when I finally realize it.

This blood.

This River of Death.
No.

This River of Life.
Pure Life.

It is his.

It is the same blood that had covered me as I had lain in hopelessness in the darkness of the tunnel, the same blood that had flowed from the wounds that were not mine, from the lacerations to my hands that did not exist. As I allow this recognition to once again spread throughout my body, engulfing my heart and mind, I also recognize something else...

I must drown.

A Story (Part III)

…But why am I laughing so?

I can do nothing but lay on the ground, holding my sides which seem are going to burst because of the joy that is surging through my body because of the agony of the owner of the affliction in my hands that does not exist. And as I laugh, I begin to cry, cries of ecstasy and bliss because of the agony of the one whose agony pierced through the walls that do not exist of the tunnel that does not exist, the agony of the one I know sent that flawlessly white piece of paper down on the light that now carries his agony.

So I continue to laugh and cry, the sounds of overflowing and overwhelming emotions rebounding around the walls of the tunnel that does not exist, laughter and agony merging and reverberating all around me, all around the tunnel that does not exist. The most glorious sound that could ever be made or heard.

After an eternity over, I notice something.

I still cannot make a sound. I cannot pierce the darkness of the tunnel.

Mystified, I sit up and anxiously search the darkness of the tunnel for the one who is able to penetrate this void.

Who is laughing in pure joy, and yet still crying in utter agony?

But as I listen further, I notice that there is no scream of agony. Only those cries of ecstasy and bliss, ricocheting from wall to wall. The walls do not exist. The tunnel does not exist.

But the laugh. There is no doubt that the laugh exists. The laugh is real. So the owner of the laugh, the author of the note, he is real. He must be. And there is no doubt.

I know. I know that he is the only one that can get me out of this tunnel that does not exist. Inexplicably, I know.

The laughing still encompassing me, the light flowing through the crack in the tunnel still slicing the darkness and showering me, I allow this recognition to spread throughout my body, engulfing my heart and mind.

And just as suddenly as they had come, the cries are gone.

And in its place, another sound comes. The sound of a cascading waterfall. I once again frantically search the tunnel, until my eyes fall upon the crack. Light is still pouring through it.

But something else as well. Though this thing does not hinder the light in any way.
In fact, it only magnifies it.

The sound I hear is like that of rushing water, but just as I knew it was not sweat that covered my body, I know that it is not water rushing through the crack.

It is blood.

A Story (Part II)

It's blood.

But wait...
I feel no pain.

I feel no pain because I have no wounds. No wounds that would allow this cascade of blood.
Then I look down at my hands and see complete mutilation, right in the center of each palm.
But I feel no pain because I have no wounds.

I have no wounds.

So I peer down at the deformations in my hands that do not exist, and I see wounds that are not my own.

Wait...

I see the defacement of my hands.

I can see in the endless black that is the tunnel that does not exist.
I see what is not mine, but there nonetheless. I peer frantically around this tunnel that does not exist, then in the direction I think is up, if there truly is an “up” in this tunnel that does not exist, there I see it. A crack.

A crack in the wall that does not exist of the tunnel that does not exist.

And coming through the crack...
Light.

And coming down on that light, floating through the air, piercing the darkness of the tunnel that does not exist, is a small, almost impossible to notice piece of paper.

But also impossible not to notice.

The paper continues its descent until it lands directly on my hands, shrouding the maiming that is not my own. A flawlessly white sheet, but obviously nothing special... and at the same time the most awe-inspiring object that could be beheld. And on the sheet is writing.

My eyes begin to slide across the page and see a message in ink.
Three simple ink words.

“I love you.”

Instantly, something else begins to come flowing down on the light: the most terrifyingly extraordinary sound that could ever be heard.

It is the sound of someone screaming.

And not just screaming; this is the sound of a man in the most complete of agonies.

But I am still unable to scream...

Besides, this sound makes the screams I had so desperately longed to cascade from my chest seem like peals of thunderous laughter.
It is the most horrifically terrifying sound imaginable or not, going beyond any possibly coherent word, explicable only by the most utter of anguishes.

A living hell.
No.
Worse.
Much worse.

…But why am I laughing so?

A Story (Part I)

I run. I run and run and run until I cannot possibly run any longer and collapse on the ground, curl up in a ball, and cry. And I cry and cry and cry until I cannot possibly cry any longer. I try to scream, to call out, plead for help, weeping and wailing with all that is in me for comfort, but that same utter void that has engulfed me for so long now simply destroys my cries of pure agony before they are even formed in my throat. I am trapped. I've been trapped for...

for.....

Was there really even ever a time when I was not lost in this abyss of emptiness and solitude? It's like a tunnel with no light at the end, where the walls seem to just keep closing in...even though there really are no walls. There isn't even really a tunnel. Just black. Nothing but endless black. So I lay there, wanting to scream but being unable to draw a sound, longing to cry but having no tears left to shed, yearning to run but being inescapably overwhelmed by the knowledge that I have nowhere to run to.

There is no way out of this tunnel that does not exist.

Suddenly, I feel the anguish, the bitterness, the solitude, the rage, the helplessness, the hopelessness, the darkness seem to compound all together with full force in the very pit of my stomach.

And I want to die.

I so want to die, but I know that even death will provide no escape from the black. So I just lay there, on the floor of the tunnel that does not exist. I bring my hands to my head and begin to rock myself back and forth.

Unable to run...

Unable to cry...

Unable to scream...

Unable to die.

I feel the sweat on my forehead mix with that on my hands. My entire body is saturated with sweat. But then, I realize, in that moment of utter hopelessness, that it isn't sweat.

It's blood.

One More Second

As i stood outside underneath the stars this evening, for the first time in far too long, I couldn't help but yet again, as I always am, be utterly taken aback at the breathtaking beauty of the stars. Innumerable, glorious and brilliant, they never fail to leave me in silent wonder at the incredible power, and of course you should have seen this coming, the awesome Love of my God.

I made the point I am about to revisit in my last post, in which I mainly tried to emphasize the significance of the second greatest commandment, to "love your neighbor as yourself," in the life of any and every Christian. But as I've continued to toss that idea around in my mind, the more I needed to make sure this point is recognized, the more and more I cannot shake the desire, no the complete compulsion, to say what I am about to say because of just how spectacular it would be if we can really grasp, continually remember, just begin to comprehend...

What could happen, in the space of just one second, if the Love of Jesus showed up?

If you've read anything I've ever written, I hope you've realized the complete passion I have for the love God has for us, and may even be completely sick of me always reiterating how remarkable, unfathomable, immeasurable, boundless, endless, limitless, spectacular, fantastic, awe-inspiring, impossibly awesome, and pretty much every other such expression humanity has ever contrived and even those it hasn't and can only be described by the insane joy and hope we have in and because of that love.

But do we really believe it? I mean, do we really remember what that love is like?

On a day to day basis, in every thought, every word, every action, if we truly believed in the indescribable power that is the Love of Jesus Christ, what could that do in even the space of one second? If we just allowed to let that love be unleashed...

As I stared up at the stars, compelled by these thoughts, how could I not but be totally dumbfounded by the fact that a God with the power to paint the night sky with a mere breath, create those stars, and those incredible people around me that I am blessed enough to call my friends, that this is the God who did all that because of His ridiculous love for us. His passion. For us. All He desires is to lavish us with love and for us to desire to do the same to Him and those around us. Him, with all that unimaginable power.

All that unimaginable power, allowed to be released in the space of just a single second.

Awesome.

Now just imagine if we were to live our entire lives, our every moment, with this thought at the forefront of our existence. Just try to imagine the repercussions of such a thing, if unquenchable Love were to rage through us in such a way, what a mere glimpse of that power would do, how it could and would change things. Cure all of our worries, carry all of our troubles? That doesn't even begin to scratch the surface.

Oh what intoxicating joy, what uncrushable hope, what magnificent transformation it would be if the true power, the true Love of Jesus, was allowed to be unleashed for even just one second.

If we just let it lavish us.

One second. Just one more second...

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are." 1 John 3:1

Dive Deep.

One Second

A breath.
A blink.
A beat.

What can happen in the space of just a moment, of just one second?
Nothing.
Everything.

We are told that this life is as but a vapor in the wind, here today and gone tomorrow, barely even a blip in the scope of eternity. How much more insignificant one mere second of one minute of one hour of one day of one week of one year of this life...

What good is one mere second?

Every good.

"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Matthew 22:37-39

In the space between breaths, in the blink of an eye, in the pause between heartbeats, everything can change. Eternity, held in a second.

In the journey of discovering just how incredibly, unquestionably, astonishingly, astoundingly, resoundingly awesome the Love of God is we cannot forget this. It just takes a second. And we cannot ignore the Second.

I especially have found it so ridiculously easy to remember the Greatest Commandment and yet somehow manage to let the Second Greatest slip right past me. I pray that I be all about loving the Lord my God, pouring myself into building my relationship with my Savior, constantly striving to please Jesus in the things I do, praying for His help, His support, His blessing. In my life. And that's great! Our God loves we when finally recognize His Love, that we desire to desperately desire it, and that we wish to continually build a real relationship that will carry over into eternity. The importance of such things cannot be undermined or over emphasized.

But we can't stop there.
Because that's not it.
Not even close.

If you've been following some of the things I've written, you've probably seen and I hope you realize that the Love of God is impossible to stop, impossible to cap, impossible to contain. And for those of you who haven't, I'll say it again...

The Love of God is impossible to stop, impossible to cap, impossible to contain.
Plain and simple.

So what does that say if we choose, of even simply fail, to allow that love to flow not only in but through us in every possible and imaginable channel by any means necessary?

To call it a failure is a vast and dangerous understatement.

"All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:40

Jesus Himself put loving God Himself on the same playing field with loving anyone and everyone around us. And everything we can know or do about Christianity is not only directly connected but utterly dependent on these two things.

Whoa. Now that's heavy.

As Christians we simply cannot afford to live in our own little worlds. Because that's not what Christianity is at all. That's not what Love is. Love is designed to flow to us, in us, and through us, a glorious cascade unlike any other the universe has ever known. We are the church. And we are to share this love with each other.
And of course you can't speak of such things without contemplating the effects such a thing would have on those who haven't experienced the Love of Jesus like we have. He ceaselessly loves them as well, and is in agony of the fact that they will not return His undying affection, or that they may not even realize. How can we with a clean conscience truly allow our incredible Love to endure such a thing?

(In speaking of Song of Solomon 3) "Solomon is describing the desperation that comes when we seem unable to capture the heart of the one we love. I wonder if it ever occurs to us that God feels like this. But if God's love is immeasurable and unending, as the Hebrews describe Him, how deep and profound must be His sense of sorrow and rejection. If anyone knows the pain of a love unreturned, it must be God." (Erwin McManus)

That alone should be enough to get us going.

What would happen if we invested just a second into the Second? What if it was the second that was needed? What flat out, straight up miracles could occur if by the grace and Love of God if we were there in that one second where everything matters...

When nothing else matters...

With the boundless, endless, limitless, incomprehensible, unfathomable power that is the Love of Jesus, if we can really try to grasp that, to actually believe it, do we have any idea just what could happen in the space of just a second?

I caught a glimpse of Your splendor
In the corner of my eye
The most beautiful thing I've ever seen
It was like a flash of lightning
Reflected off the sky
And I know
I'll never be the same
~Third Day

Just try to imagine the repercussions of such a thing, if Love were to rage through us in such a way, what just a glimpse of that power would do, how it could and would change things. Maybe change others. I guarantee change us.
So I would challenge you, whether or not you were able to follow my ramblings, to not forget the Second. To not forget the meaning of the second.

Nothing, or everything.
In a mere second, a thought can be born, a seed planted, a heart transformed.
Granted, hardly is anything ever carried to completion without a foundation or a follow through.

But it all begins with a second.

Because it only takes a second. The space of a breath. A breath carrying a name.

"Jesus."

And everything changes.

Dive Deep.

Like Sands Through the Hourglass...

A year.
Two years.
Fours years.

The older I get, the faster the days seem to slip away, time seems to simply disappear.

In one of the ridiculously rare instances of my spring break during which I was not remarkably and appallingly lazy, I found myself a sincere desire to take a little adventure down memory lane. It had been quite some time since I had done so in this particular manner, and I was intrigued by the notion of what I might find in a place I hadn't stepped foot in since I had first begun my expedition into the chaotic enigma that can be college life. In a room where God found me, or maybe more accurately I finally realized He had for so long been frantically trying to draw my attention and focus in any and every way possible, jumping up and down, waving His arms like a madman. A Man mad with Love, that is. Ok so maybe not exactly but still you get the picture and I'm just rambling...

It was in this place that I finally, truly, let the Love of Jesus bind itself around my heart and mind, and I in turn embraced the desire to cling desperately to His heart. My old youth group. And I was amazed at what I found.

It didn't quite look the same as when I had left. The setup of the room itself was different, for one. There seemed to be fewer people, and ever fewer familiar faces. Those that I did recognize had obviously grown in the years since I'd been in their shoes.

And then like diving into the part of the pool that is way too shallow for intelligently attempting such a thing, my head slammed into a thought and I had to stop for a moment.

Over the past almost two years now since I began college I have experience things I never could have seen coming, learned things and been changed in ways that I'm still trying to wrap my head around. I am nowhere near the same person I was even a year ago, let alone when I graduated from Dayton Christian High School and especially my sophomore year of high school when God monumentally rocked my world. And neither were those that I was seeing for the first time in what seemed like ages, for each and every one of them had barreled and brawled through the tumult that is this life by means I can't begin to know and had been affected in ways I could never comprehend in just growing two years older. Crazy.

You try thinking through it sometime. I guarantee you'll be at least a little surprised at what you realize.

As I continued to be enthralled by this reflection, the band began to play. And it was then that everything fell into place. It was times such as these that I remember most vividly, most fondly about my old youth group. Even since, I have yet to find a place where worship is quite like it is in that room, and though unquestionably the Spirit of God has followed me through every step of the last two years, there's just something about that room. It is undeniable that He shows up. And even though those in the band were older than when I had last seen them, the members different than those I had known, He still showed up. And it was awesome.

I don't remember every song we sang, but there are two that still play through my mind. One was "How Great is Our God," and we just sang through the chorus over and over and over.

Awesome.

The other went like this...

Your love is pure, Your love is precious
Your love is all I need
Your love surrounds me, Your love astounds me
Your love is everything

I run to You when my heart is weak
I cling to You, You're all I seek
It's my heart's desire to be close to You
Here in Your arms I find my strength

You're everything I want, everything I hope in
Everything my heart cries out for
You're everything I want, everything I hope in
Everything my heart cries out for

And we just sang through these verses over and over and over.

And it was awesome.

It never ceases to amaze me how it is in the simplest of words, the simplest of phrases, the most basic of thoughts that we can find the greatest power. The greatest hope. And these words as we sang them over and over and over had both raging through them.

And through all the reminiscing, the remembering, the reflecting, I was reminded of this most incredible and awe inspiring thought, that though over the last year, two years, four years I have been changed, shaped, transformed physically, mentally, and spiritually in ways I can't begin to recall as has everyone around me in some form or fashion, He hasn't.

He's still the same Jesus that I began to fall in love with my sophomore year of high school, the exact same as He is now in my sophomore year of college.

It was then that I began to glimpse just how awesome His Love is, just how wide, how deep, how endless, how unfathomable it is, though then I just thought it was merely one little area of this thing called Christianity.

And now here I sit knowing that really, it is absolutely everything. And it always was.

And it is here we can take comfort and find hope in the fact that even if the world or just our world goes to Hell in a handbasket, despite however we may change, however our minds may form, however our hearts may mold, wherever and whenever life takes us, He will always be great.

How great is our God
Sing with me how great is our God
And all will see how great, how great
Is our God.

It all comes back to Love. And Love never fails. Love never fades. Love is never finished.
And our Love reigns totally, unparalleled, unstoppable, unquestionable, awesome, mighty, and great for all eternity, never to change, never to leave.
Always to Love.

You're everything I want, everything I hope in
Everything my heart cries out for

Dive Deep.

B-E-A-utiful

Life is so not fair.

I mean really, how many times have we thought it, said it, ranted and raged about it, cried about it. Isn't it the favorite argument of every little kid, "But that's not fair!" And of course the classic response would almost always be, "Well, life is not fair!" Obviously no one needs to see me write this statement, for really it is more than just my opinion and indeed a statement of cold, hard fact, as we all see day after day after heartbreaking day...

It's not fair that they have all of that.
It's not fair that they get all the attention.
It's not fair that she looks like that.
It's not fair that he can do that.
It's not fair that she has him.
It's not fair that he has her.
It's not fair that I have to be alone like this.
It's not fair that I have to hurt like this.

My God, why is life not fair?! I am yours! Why am I still plagued by the insanity, the chaos that is the unfairness of this life...

How often is that our cry...

But really, just how cold and hard is this reality that we must face time after time, that we constantly wage war against?

In fact, I would argue that this is quite possibly a, if not the, statement from which we should find incredible amounts of flat out, bursting at the seams, bouncing off the walls, running a marathon in five minutes flat, jumping would make you enter orbit, hugging someone until they turn blue, yelling like some kind of crazy person until you turn blue and people are wondering how you got out of your straight jacket, making the olympic gymnastics team look like a group of toddlers who can't even walk straight, totally unhindered in any way shape or form, complete and utter...joy.

Because really, what would we be if life was fair?

I can guarantee you that I wouldn't be sitting here. I don't even know where I'd be. What I'd be. And the idea of having to live a life that is absolutely fair honestly disturbs me.

Hope. Joy. Even love. How drastically warped our conceptions of these, even our ability to have and hold these things, would be if life was fair.

This is the beauty of grace.

Grace is a concept that I find myself constantly wrestling with, that I time and time again must remind myself of, and am still like so many other things attempting to wrap my mind around. Around its depth, its implications, its beauty.

But what I have discovered thus far is that like so many of those other things, it has very real and direct connection to Love. In fact, it is one of the most brilliant and breathtaking outpourings of Love, and one of the most prominent and essential to those who call themselves the people of God. And we can even use the concept of grace to trace and work backwards to the very nature of Love.

Without Love, there would be no grace. And without grace, Love would not be what it is, maybe not really be Love at all.

The message of God, the Love of God, cannot be truly told, truly shown, without the beauty of grace. Those who were witness to the visitor Western Kentucky University had several weeks ago have seen how tragic the absence of grace and love can be. It is grace that allows each and everyone of us to pick ourselves out of the muck and mire of the tragedy of life, that allows us to have hope, to experience joy, to be exactly who we were created to be, the happy-go-lucky, the kooky, the crazy, the spontaneous, the mellow, the laid-back, the timid, the quiet, the bold, the courageous, the whatever and whoever God has masterfully designed us to be. And it is because of grace that we can experience love.

And still, we are so prone to forget this! Not necessarily for ourselves, but so often for others! For me, I'll be honest and admit it's not the "How could God save someone like them??" that get's me, it's the "How could someone like them actually be a Christian like they say??" I see what a person does, how they behave, how sin may still in some way shape or form have a hold on their lives and they seem not to care, and I shake my head, form my judgment, and instead of loving on them, I slowly back away, or even push them away. And the irony is that if we think about it, not only is what that person may need the most someone with the love of God to wrap their arms around them, how often is the reality that the reason a person is like they are that people like us cast the first stone...

I'm so thankful for the fact that God has been gracious enough with me to help me realize this pitfall of mine and has continually worked to alter that mindset. Because God still loves them, just as He still loves me, and Love is still in work in us. In us. So what, Love might be working in different ways, in different areas of our respective lives, but working none the less. We have to remember that we are the Church, at the heart nothing more than a band of physically and/or spiritually pathetic misfits, of rejects, of failures, of fools, of screwups, of dropouts, of the poor, of the the proud, of the beaten, of the battered, of the broken. Of sinners. Of people who need the love of Jesus.

Thank God for grace. Because love us He does.

This Love is far beyond a list of do's and don'ts, of special recipes for righteousness, of how much we can somehow manage not to fail miserably, of what we can offer. Because really none of that matters.

The penalty for sin is death. Period.

And because life is so unfair, we don't have to face what's coming to us, what we rightfully, fairly deserve. We never have to pay that debt.

Because by the grace of God, that debt was utterly eradicated thousands of years ago.

And it is that one thing in this whole, big clump of thoughts, ideas, ideals, and theology that we call Christianity that really makes any difference, no matter your denomination or what have you. Jesus. Jesus paid the price for us. Period. And all we have to do is let Him totally obliterate any and every debt we owe, is acknowledge that He already did.

"And this life sentence that I'm serving
I admit that I'm every bit deserving,
But the beauty of grace is that it makes
Life not fair."
~Relient K

Ok so what's the catch? Because really nothing in this life ever comes without a catch...
We give Him the failure, the misery, the pain, the imperfection and let Him have it all, let Him transform it, by the beauty of grace. He gives us life, and we live for Him. In that order. It's not a "do this then maybe I'll give you this" sort of thing. No. This is one contract that has no fine print. He gives us life, lavishes us with love, and asks us to love Him and love others. Not too shabby a deal if you ask me.

We fail, we fall, we flounder time and time and time again. And yet, we can still stand back up as tall and confident as ever, absolutely spotless, stunningly beautiful in the eyes of our God. Because of the beauty of grace. And though boundless in every way imaginable or not, grace is far from a crutch, far from an excuse for sin. In fact it should inspire us even more to value the awesome Love of our God, to desire to thank and please and praise Him. To Love Him, and to Love others. Because that's still what this is all about.

Life isn't fair. And I praise God for that.
And as for every other aspect of life in which we are threatened to be crushed by how harsh this reality can be, we just have to remember...

Just how much hope we have...

Even though life is not fair. Because life is not fair.

Because we are His. We have been entranced by the beauty of grace and transformed into children of the King. And oh how the Father loves His kids. And oh how His Love and grace will enrapture even and especially the most desperate of hearts.

Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.
He made known his ways to Moses,
his deeds to the people of Israel:
The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
slow to anger, abounding in love.
He will not always accuse,
nor will he harbor his anger forever;
he does not treat us as our sins deserve
or repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
As a father has compassion on his children,
so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
for he knows how we are formed,
he remembers that we are dust.
As for man, his days are like grass,
he flourishes like a flower of the field;
the wind blows over it and it is gone,
and its place remembers it no more.
But from everlasting to everlasting
the LORD's love is with those who fear him,
and his righteousness with their children's children-
with those who keep his covenant
and remember to obey his precepts.
The LORD has established his throne in heaven,
and his kingdom rules over all.
Praise the LORD, you his angels,
you mighty ones who do his bidding,
who obey his word.
Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts,
you his servants who do his will.
Praise the LORD, all his works
everywhere in his dominion.
Praise the LORD, O my soul.
~Psalm 103

Dive Deep.

What Hope

God...

My God...

What this life is...

It's hard.

So hard.

It tears at me, ripping at my mind, my heart.

It longs to take my soul.

My God...

As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death...

Lord...

I'm so scared.

I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go.

I don't know how to deal with all of the questions, with all the answers, with all of the thoughts, the emotions, the endless gnawing in the very pit of my soul, the unbearable burning of this hole in my chest.

And I feel so lost, so helpless as the tides pull me under, farther, time and time and time again.

My God please save me!!

I'm so scared to drown...

Please...

Help.

Please.

For all my wisdom, how foolish I am.

For all my knowledge, how fruitless I am.

For all my strength, how powerless I am.

For all my love, how selfish I am.

For all my passion, how sorrowful I am...

God, my God....

Why?!

Why can I not see the glory of your wisdom, your knowledge, your strength, your love, your passion?

Why is my focus, I...I just can't seem to reign it in...

I stumble, I fall, again and again and again.

And I'm just so tired.

So tired...

My mind, constantly running, thinking, over-thinking, longing to be satisfied, my heart burning and yearning for its passions to be fulfilled, but still I am left lying here face down in the muck and mire of this miserable thing called life.

Alone. All alone.


My God.


Do not save me.


My heart simply cannot take it.


And yet here I stand, spotless.

Still broken, yes, but not destroyed.

Still tired, yes, but not alone.

My heart aches, but it has not yet stopped beating.

My mind spins, but the shadows have not yet overcome it.

My focus, it slowly sharpens, and even now I can see it.

See why. How.

And I feel just a shred of hope. Oh what hope.

I see a promise, a love so unimaginable and breathtaking that I remember what it is to breathe.

And why it is I draw breath.

And I lift my head.

And I walk.



My God, I cannot thank you enough for the focus you have given me, after it has been shifted and clouded for so very long. And that focus, I see, is you and you alone. My Love.
I thought that's what I had been doing, where I had been, and I know that's how I started out, but somehow, somewhere along the way I became selfish, even prideful, my priorities warped to where I was able to lie to myself for so very long. And I'm so sorry, my Love, my God.
But your passion for me never failed, never even faltered. You waited, and you have shown me in the most marvelous of ways how what you are, what you have, is so much better than the plans I had concocted.

And I praise you that still, you fill me with hope. And that your promise still holds true.

I will see love.

Not how I had planned, no.
And certainly not by by own power or ability.
But still.
My heart longs to see its passions fulfilled, and my God I know you have not given me this heart and these passions to watch me self-destruct. I am only human, and this heart you have given me is far too weak to take the love I so desperately desire being stripped from my life. So I pray with all that I am that God, even if you must break my heart, please do not let it shatter. Because that I cannot take.

Please, my God, guard my heart as I so long to guard my love. Continue to pursue me as I continue to pursue my love. And though I do not know why you do, I praise you for continuing to lavish me as I so desire to lavish my love. And I praise you for being my first love, and for giving me a passion, joy, and excitement to share with reckless abandon this love with my love.

And I will praise you.
Be it with tears of joy...
Or tears of sorrow.
And I will praise you in the joy of my sorrow.

Will it be hard? Oh yes, without doubt.
Will I hurt? Probably, at times.
Will I worry? Yeah, a little. But I am just human.
Will I grow weary? Again, I am just human.

Will I fail?

It is quite possible.

And that scares me to death.

But will I lose my passion? I pray never.
Will I lose my focus? My God, please no.
By your grace, and your power alone, I will find my love. As I've already found it in you. And that, I can never lose.

Will it be worth it?

Yes. Oh, yes.

And my God, I pray with all I am that the passions you have embedded in my heart will also fill the heart of my love, so that my love lacks nothing, wants nothing but you and your Love.

And God...thank you for setting me free.

What hope. Oh, what hope.