A friend of mine recently posted this, and having now read it I cannot help but be inspired to expand and elaborate on such an incredible concept...so read on and prepare to be confounded...
Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God says to a Christian, “No, not until you are satisfied and fulfilled and content with living and loved by me alone.
"I love you my child, and until you discover that only in me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings.
"I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you that most thrilling plan existing, one that you can’t imagine. I want you to have the BEST! Please allow me to bring it to you. You just keep watching me, expecting that satisfaction, expecting the greatest things, and know that I AM. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait!
"Don’t be anxious. Don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things others have received. Don’t look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and away up to me, or you'll miss what I want to show you.
“And then, when you’re ready, I'll surprise you with love far more wonderful than you would ever imagine. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working this very minute to have both of you ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the life I have planned and prepared for you, you wont be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me .. and this is perfect love.
"Dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with me and to enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty and perfection and love that I offer you with myself. Know that I love you utterly, I am God Almighty. Believe and be satisfied."
This short essay thoroughly encapsulates some of the most awesome ideas that we can possibly grasp about the most fantastic and incredible concept we can come across in our existence: the love of God. In my previous note I attempted to touch on the nature of this love, to convey just how astounding that nature is, and just how spectacular it is to learn. To love. To learn to love. And in my note "A World At War" I briefly went into the reality we live in, the cosmic conflict that rages around us, but "the battle is not the point. Evil is not the point. The point is the love story. We live in a love story that is set in the midst of war."
A love story.
In the middle of a war.
The most epic love story.
In the middle of the most epic war.
Better than any movie, book, or stretch of the human imaginiation. That is our reality.
And now, we have a new idea presented here that brings it all into focus.
God is the most fantastic storyteller of all time. Hey, He's the one who created storytelling! And He's authoring His most grand masterpiece in the lives of every single one of the lives of those who have with reckless abandon given Him that life. And it's a love story. The most grand romance of all time, revolved around His Great Romance, a tale of extravagant love, then abandonment, sorrow, and forgiveness, then rejection, suffering, and pain. Then the proof that through it all that same extravagant love has been running alongside, in, and through the entire time, culminating in ultimate sacrifice. And joy. And peace. And mercy.
Love.
It is the grand romance between us retched, lowly, pathetic and depraved, and the most awesome God who loved us so much as to desperately chase after us to the point of death. And the best part is, He gives us the opportunity to feel, express, and relish in that same love here in this life with another who is at the same time experiencing their own miraculous story of love! And our God, the most fantastic storyteller in history, is orchestrating it all! All we need do is follow His lead...
And yet how often do we feel as if we ourselves are sufficiently capable of directing our own tales of love?
But no! How wrong, despicably wrong we are! How are we to even know what this love is without first knowing the One who Himself is Love?! The One we can test and try, with whom we can fail and flounder, over and over and over again, and yet the reaches of His forgiveness are boundless! The depths of His mercy endless! The grace He offers unconditional and limitless, His patience undying, unyielding, incapable of being broken! In Him alone can we find our satisfaction, perfection, the longing to experience extravagant love fulfilled.
"And then, when you’re ready, I'll surprise you with love far more wonderful than you would ever imagine. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working this very minute to have both of you ready at the same time), until you are both satisfied exclusively with me and the life I have planned and prepared for you, you wont be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with me .. and this is perfect love."
To love, we must first learn. And He is the great Teacher. And the most hopeless romantic of all time. The things He has in store for us are so unfathomable and incredible, and often this is why we must have faith, have hope in this knowledge. Because we just don't know.
"I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you that most thrilling plan existing, one that you can’t imagine. I want you to have the BEST! Please allow me to bring it to you. You just keep watching me, expecting that satisfaction, expecting the greatest things, and know that I AM. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. You must wait! Don’t be anxious. Don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things others have received. Don’t look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and away up to me, or you'll miss what I want to show you."
We just don't know. But He does. Sometimes when I think about this I imagine Him sitting and watching, bouncing up and down like a little kid, smiling as wide as can be, laughing with eager, anxious anticipation at what is about to happen, because it's going to be so awesome, so perfect, that when it finally does come around such love and joy will be found we simply won't know what to do but lift our heads to Him and quietly whisper, "Thank you."
He is our Father, who loves us unconditionally with all He is, who wants the absolute best for us, and who has it! He is the one who made us to love in the first place. And in His wisdom and understanding He knows that the time will come when we are ready. But only when we are ready. Because no matter how much pain we may endure on the journey, the prize is more than we can dream of.
He is our Savior, who ran through Hell and back in order to secure our eternity with Him. He endured everything Death, Hell, and the grave could through at Him, and He came through with the keys to the gates of the pit in hand. Now why would someone who loves us that spectacularly drag us out of damnation only to leave us to fend for ourselves, to blindly fumble to discover that love we so deeply require and desperately desire? He gave us the chance to love, to love Him, and to love another. Why would He not see that through to miraculous completion? "The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives." (Psalm 37:23) Every detail...
And He is our Lover, who loves us unconditionally with all He is, who wants the absolute best for us, and who has it! And it is when we can love Him, and only then, that we will truly be able to love another. Because He is that love. That perfect love.
And just imagine, that perfect love flowing not only out of you but out of another! And that current running so strong, so vivaciously, that nothing could ever even hope to stand in its path, to block its flow, to deny the power of the raging waters of that perfect love. How awesome to see the same love in me working in the same love as her, connecting us in a most brilliant harmony, more spectacular than even the most grand of symphonies, a melody utterly overwhelmingly, staggering, every aspect of it surpassing perfection.
The perfect soundtrack to the perfect story. Written by a perfect God.
The One we can test and try, with whom we can fail and flounder, over and over and over again, and yet the reaches of His forgiveness are boundless, the depths of His mercy endless, the grace He offers unconditional and limitless, His patience undying, unyielding, incapable of being broken! In Him alone can we find our satisfaction, perfection, fulfillment of the longing to experience extravagant love.
Perfect Love.
Originally Posted 11/4/08
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Monday, September 1, 2008
For God So Loved
We've all heard it, at least what seems like a billion times. It is one of the most, if not the most, widely known verse in the entirety of the Bible. For many of us who have grown up in the church most of our lives it could very possibly have been the very first verse we ever memorized. And yet, for all the times we have heard it or said it or remembered it, it seems as if in all the repetition it often becomes dull, old, mundane, another one of those "oh yeah, been there heard that let's move on to something new and exciting!!" And we completely miss the fact that this most basic foundation of our faith is the most impossibly incredible and utterly astounding concept that we could ever hope to possibly discover.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life." ~John 3:16
Love.
God's Love.
The most incomprehensible aspect of existence and reality that anyone could come across in this world or the next. It is limitless, as no one could ever hope to discover the measure of His love. It is undying, the passion He holds for us unable to be quenched until we run and throw ourselves into his arms with reckless abandon. And even then it cannot be stopped. There is no immovable object that could even have a whisper of a hope to stand against this unstoppable force. Not death, not life, not dark, not light, not demons, angels, depths, heights, past, present, future, not even ourselves, absolutely nothing that has ever been or is or ever will be can possibly stand before the sheer power of the love of our God. And our God IS love. Astounding...
And yet this word love...how often do we hear it? How often do we use it? Just thrown around like another word, another expression, another method to our unending madness? The most incredible force to ever be has been reduced to what? A cliche? I find that ridiculous. If not infuriating.
"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us." ~1 John 3:16
God, the Master and Creator of the universe, the One who has absolutely unlimited power and influence, turns out to be a hopeless romantic. Even in the midst of the most epic battle of all time, for all time, He...loves...us. Us.
"The battle is not the point. Evil is not the point. The point is the love story. We live in a love story that is set in the midst of war." ~John Eldredge
Us. Those who never fail to be foolish, to be utterly idiotic, to destroy that which we care about most, to turn our backs on the most incredible of everything life has to offer, to fill ourselves with pointless desire. We never fail to fail. And despite knowing all this, despite knowing that He would be killed in the most of gruesome of manners mankind has ever conceived, that we would beat him, cut him, spit in his face and laugh all the while, relishing in our miserable and depraved state, He still came. We ran and He chased. We cursed Him and He shouted out ballads of his passion. And then the love of His life crushed that life from Him, and yet He didn't let even that stop him, it didn't even slow Him down in the slightest! And He just loved all the more. And He has not stopped. No matter how many times we kill Him, He will not stop. Period. End of story. That is the power of the love of God.
And what astounds me even more? We can have this love. We can show this love. The process is long, even too long for this one lifetime, but I guess what makes that so great is that we have a chance to have more than just this one lifetime. To learn. To love. To learn to love. The complexities and depth of love are innumerable. That much I have become certain of. But still, we are a stubborn race. When have we ever let anything that has seemed totally impossible get in our way? And there is lesson one: nothing can possibly get in our way. Not where love is concerned. An unstoppable force.
But how do we grasp this? How do we abandon every preconceived notion and triviality we have contrived about love and discover it's true inconceivable and impossible nature? Love runs through anything and everything, it is inescapable. It is the very foundational reason for anything and everything good. Period. And what is evil but an adverse reaction to that good?
And now we start back at the beginning.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life." ~John 3:16
He came. He died. God Himself. Loves us. Wants to be with us. For eternity. God loves us so much that He came to die so we can be together. Love is Sacrifice. And God is love. And God cannot not do something that is what He is. God cannot not love. Period. And this is the start of reconciling our minds with the incomprehensible love of God. We start with sacrifice.
And another thought...if His love is so incredible that He would be so willing to do this for us then how much more would he take care of the smallest of our pains that we endure in this life? What can we honestly ask for that He will not meet?
Since He cannot not do something that which He is in His absolute perfection, He cannot lie, and He cannot not love. And so why would He not keep the promises He has given? Simple. He wouldn't. Talk about hope...
And to think...this is only the most basic of the most limited of introductions into the unchartable vastness of the idea and reality of love. I haven't even yet scratched the surface...I can't imagine what could come of completely stripping away the misconceptions and irrational and foolish images we associate with the word "love", of wholly discovering the myriad of facets the most priceless of treasures contains. Of diving deep.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
~1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13
Originally Posted 9/1/08
"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life." ~John 3:16
Love.
God's Love.
The most incomprehensible aspect of existence and reality that anyone could come across in this world or the next. It is limitless, as no one could ever hope to discover the measure of His love. It is undying, the passion He holds for us unable to be quenched until we run and throw ourselves into his arms with reckless abandon. And even then it cannot be stopped. There is no immovable object that could even have a whisper of a hope to stand against this unstoppable force. Not death, not life, not dark, not light, not demons, angels, depths, heights, past, present, future, not even ourselves, absolutely nothing that has ever been or is or ever will be can possibly stand before the sheer power of the love of our God. And our God IS love. Astounding...
And yet this word love...how often do we hear it? How often do we use it? Just thrown around like another word, another expression, another method to our unending madness? The most incredible force to ever be has been reduced to what? A cliche? I find that ridiculous. If not infuriating.
"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us." ~1 John 3:16
God, the Master and Creator of the universe, the One who has absolutely unlimited power and influence, turns out to be a hopeless romantic. Even in the midst of the most epic battle of all time, for all time, He...loves...us. Us.
"The battle is not the point. Evil is not the point. The point is the love story. We live in a love story that is set in the midst of war." ~John Eldredge
Us. Those who never fail to be foolish, to be utterly idiotic, to destroy that which we care about most, to turn our backs on the most incredible of everything life has to offer, to fill ourselves with pointless desire. We never fail to fail. And despite knowing all this, despite knowing that He would be killed in the most of gruesome of manners mankind has ever conceived, that we would beat him, cut him, spit in his face and laugh all the while, relishing in our miserable and depraved state, He still came. We ran and He chased. We cursed Him and He shouted out ballads of his passion. And then the love of His life crushed that life from Him, and yet He didn't let even that stop him, it didn't even slow Him down in the slightest! And He just loved all the more. And He has not stopped. No matter how many times we kill Him, He will not stop. Period. End of story. That is the power of the love of God.
And what astounds me even more? We can have this love. We can show this love. The process is long, even too long for this one lifetime, but I guess what makes that so great is that we have a chance to have more than just this one lifetime. To learn. To love. To learn to love. The complexities and depth of love are innumerable. That much I have become certain of. But still, we are a stubborn race. When have we ever let anything that has seemed totally impossible get in our way? And there is lesson one: nothing can possibly get in our way. Not where love is concerned. An unstoppable force.
But how do we grasp this? How do we abandon every preconceived notion and triviality we have contrived about love and discover it's true inconceivable and impossible nature? Love runs through anything and everything, it is inescapable. It is the very foundational reason for anything and everything good. Period. And what is evil but an adverse reaction to that good?
And now we start back at the beginning.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life." ~John 3:16
He came. He died. God Himself. Loves us. Wants to be with us. For eternity. God loves us so much that He came to die so we can be together. Love is Sacrifice. And God is love. And God cannot not do something that is what He is. God cannot not love. Period. And this is the start of reconciling our minds with the incomprehensible love of God. We start with sacrifice.
And another thought...if His love is so incredible that He would be so willing to do this for us then how much more would he take care of the smallest of our pains that we endure in this life? What can we honestly ask for that He will not meet?
Since He cannot not do something that which He is in His absolute perfection, He cannot lie, and He cannot not love. And so why would He not keep the promises He has given? Simple. He wouldn't. Talk about hope...
And to think...this is only the most basic of the most limited of introductions into the unchartable vastness of the idea and reality of love. I haven't even yet scratched the surface...I can't imagine what could come of completely stripping away the misconceptions and irrational and foolish images we associate with the word "love", of wholly discovering the myriad of facets the most priceless of treasures contains. Of diving deep.
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
~1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13
Originally Posted 9/1/08
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Meant to Be
Just a random thought...
I could not hope to count how many times i have heard thrown around the phrase, "If it's meant to be then it'll happen" or some related sentiment.
But I wonder...
Maybe, sometimes, when we are faced with a situation where some variation of this idea could come into play, instead of sitting around waiting for the pieces to magically fall into place and the object of our desires to be simply placed into our hands, maybe we are actually given a choice...
Maybe, just maybe, God could also be saying, that if we really do want it...
We have the choice to chase after it with reckless abandon and undying conviction until it is within our grasp to cherish, to have, to hold, to love.
Or the choice to just let it go.
But a choice nonetheless.
I have no doubt in my mind whatsoever that those who have chosen to surrender their lives to the living Almighty God will be and have been given a guide for that whisper of influence on this world. But although He is incomprehensibly loving, our Father, He is our guide, our teacher; not our puppet master. He will lead us into situations and place opportunity in our paths to show us what His good and perfect will is. And though this inevitably leads into a myriad of other questions and debates, ultimately, sometimes we ourselves do have to make a choice with the very free will He gave us in the beginning.
A choice to fight?
Perhaps...
A choice nonetheless.
So maybe, if it is truly "meant to be" it will happen one way or another. And then maybe we also have been given a choice to decide what we want "to be". Or maybe it's more like, fighting is what will bring what is "meant to be" to be.
A choice to at least fight. A choice to let go.
A choice nonetheless.
We have to remember that different situations merit different responses. Often it very well may come down to a matter of having the wisdom to realize what that response should be, and utilizing an understanding and willingness to see that purpose through. Sometimes we need to let go. Sometimes we need to fight. And sometimes, maybe it is just "meant to be" and it will happen one way or another.
But we also have to take into extremely careful consideration what shape the term "fight" can take depending on the situation it is being applied to. Simple patient and prayerful waiting? Deliberate perseverance through another avenue? Full on and aggressive action in order to chase after it? It is most definitely not always the last one, and there are a myriad of other forms that "fighting" may need to assume. And so we are faced with the absolute imperative to take in to account the possibilities, to weigh and measure the responses we could make, and of course to constantly and continually pray. But we also have to be extremely cautious not to "hear" only that which we wish, that which falls in line with what we desire. And especially that we do not assume that what we want is automatically that which God has said He wants. This is extraordinarily easy to do. We must be aware that to fight more than likely means to face a long and difficult road, one most likely filled with opposition, with disappointment, and possibly even ending in failure. And we must prepare ourselves for such a route. And it is almost definitely not a road we have planned out, that we can see through every twist, turn, and switchback.
And again, maybe what is "meant to be" will just be. Or maybe we just need to let go. Maybe we do need to "fight", whatever that means.
Yeah. It's complicated.
Just a thought.
Originally Published 8/3/08
I could not hope to count how many times i have heard thrown around the phrase, "If it's meant to be then it'll happen" or some related sentiment.
But I wonder...
Maybe, sometimes, when we are faced with a situation where some variation of this idea could come into play, instead of sitting around waiting for the pieces to magically fall into place and the object of our desires to be simply placed into our hands, maybe we are actually given a choice...
Maybe, just maybe, God could also be saying, that if we really do want it...
We have the choice to chase after it with reckless abandon and undying conviction until it is within our grasp to cherish, to have, to hold, to love.
Or the choice to just let it go.
But a choice nonetheless.
I have no doubt in my mind whatsoever that those who have chosen to surrender their lives to the living Almighty God will be and have been given a guide for that whisper of influence on this world. But although He is incomprehensibly loving, our Father, He is our guide, our teacher; not our puppet master. He will lead us into situations and place opportunity in our paths to show us what His good and perfect will is. And though this inevitably leads into a myriad of other questions and debates, ultimately, sometimes we ourselves do have to make a choice with the very free will He gave us in the beginning.
A choice to fight?
Perhaps...
A choice nonetheless.
So maybe, if it is truly "meant to be" it will happen one way or another. And then maybe we also have been given a choice to decide what we want "to be". Or maybe it's more like, fighting is what will bring what is "meant to be" to be.
A choice to at least fight. A choice to let go.
A choice nonetheless.
We have to remember that different situations merit different responses. Often it very well may come down to a matter of having the wisdom to realize what that response should be, and utilizing an understanding and willingness to see that purpose through. Sometimes we need to let go. Sometimes we need to fight. And sometimes, maybe it is just "meant to be" and it will happen one way or another.
But we also have to take into extremely careful consideration what shape the term "fight" can take depending on the situation it is being applied to. Simple patient and prayerful waiting? Deliberate perseverance through another avenue? Full on and aggressive action in order to chase after it? It is most definitely not always the last one, and there are a myriad of other forms that "fighting" may need to assume. And so we are faced with the absolute imperative to take in to account the possibilities, to weigh and measure the responses we could make, and of course to constantly and continually pray. But we also have to be extremely cautious not to "hear" only that which we wish, that which falls in line with what we desire. And especially that we do not assume that what we want is automatically that which God has said He wants. This is extraordinarily easy to do. We must be aware that to fight more than likely means to face a long and difficult road, one most likely filled with opposition, with disappointment, and possibly even ending in failure. And we must prepare ourselves for such a route. And it is almost definitely not a road we have planned out, that we can see through every twist, turn, and switchback.
And again, maybe what is "meant to be" will just be. Or maybe we just need to let go. Maybe we do need to "fight", whatever that means.
Yeah. It's complicated.
Just a thought.
Originally Published 8/3/08
Friday, July 25, 2008
Ignorance and Bliss
Recently I have noticed a similar basic idea surfacing on the minds of several around me, so now I ask...
Which to decide:
To search for truth and risk ensnarement by misery or to resign oneself to uncertainty or insanity?
Otherwise known as the old cliche:
Is ignorance really bliss?
Should we ask the question if we don't want the answer? Or is it better to live in the peace of the moment?
Thoughts anyone?
Originally Posted 7/25/08
Which to decide:
To search for truth and risk ensnarement by misery or to resign oneself to uncertainty or insanity?
Otherwise known as the old cliche:
Is ignorance really bliss?
Should we ask the question if we don't want the answer? Or is it better to live in the peace of the moment?
Thoughts anyone?
Originally Posted 7/25/08
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Broken
Ever been in that place where absolutely nothing makes sense; where everything seems to be completely crashing all around you; where all you want to do is cry and scream and destroy a wall or something I don't know but just something to unleash all the hurt and pain and anguish and utter exhaustion but you simply don't have to willpower to do any of those things so you just sit there in pain and anguish and exhaustion and pray that you go numb?
Yeah. You could say I'm there.
The sheer insanity of life has caught up to me. I don't know whether this is just another phase of life or if it's the ravages of the war I talked about previously, and frankly I do not care in the least because right now I'm in that place where none of that really matters to me. For all of my "knowledge" and "wisdom" and "experience" and patience and will to hang on, I just can't do it right now. All I want to do is lay in my bed, curl up in a ball, and sleep my life away until it magically repairs itself into relative normalcy. I would kill for normal right now. I would give almost anything for it just to be put up on a shelf and left to fix itself and for me to never look back. And I hate the fact that I just am not the kind of person who can do that.
Why can't I just let it go!?!? I'm just so tired...so tired of fighting, of worrying, of stressing over things that only seem to bringing me down, of driving my mind into a depression that seems it will refuse to let up. And even when it seems to look like it might, just for a little while, oh wait here's something else so nope just kidding! That tunnel that does not exist...yep, I'm most definitely there. And I'm there alone. Why else do you think I'm here pouring my heart out where if I actually publish this the whole world can see my anguish and laugh. I don't want the pity, I definitely don't need it! So why am I doing this???
Why am I baring my vulnerability and failure and shortcoming and foolishness for the world to see??
Well one because when something is on my mind I like to write, and it just so happens that this allows me to vent in a way that is not physically harmful to anyone/anything.
But also because still, somewhere deep down, I pray that in my brokenness, in my pain, as I stumble through the darkness of the tunnel that does not exist, that someone can find hope. Find hope in my own humanity.
I am imperfect. I am a fool.
We all are.
And no matter who you are, where you are, what you're doing and where you're going, you'll find this tunnel. It is inevitable. Unfortunately, it's one of those sad facts of life, the result of a broken and fallen humanity in a cursed and doomed world.
But really, I am not alone. No matter how alone I feel, I am not alone.
But really, we are not alone. No matter how alone we feel, we are not alone.
Not only do we have the knowledge of each other in our own failure and humanity, but for those of us who are really blessed, we have the knowledge that there is this ridiculously awesome God who is so desperately in love with us. And yeah the words are easy, the reality definitely more difficult, but there is always a way that is provided for us. A crack in the tunnel. A flood of redemption. And white.
We may not see it for the tunnel, but that doesn't mean it isn't there. For is it the white that does not exist, or merely the tunnel? Interesting...
"What kind of damage could we do with this kind of knowledge...
What kind of suffering could we turn into hope...
What kind of bitterness could we turn into joy...
What kind of anguish could we turn into victory..."
So anyways I'm finished now. Please do not give me your pity, for even in this tunnel there is that chance to live and learn and be loved. And I have that knowledge, and the knowledge that really it will not kill me no matter how much longer it will continue to pain me. It'll take time, of course more time; of that I have no doubt. Maybe even more mental, emotional uncertainty and whole lot more praying. But as of yet, as the Word says, I haven't suffered yet to the point of shedding blood; and I am striving to continue the search for that "pure joy", for "the good". Because it's there, more real and more vibrant than any hopelessness of the tunnel that does not exist.
So do not pity me, but rejoice with me. Because I am a fool. And because no matter how lost I am in the tunnel that does not exist, I am not truly lost. No matter how alone, I am not truly alone.
And neither will you ever be.
Sorrow into joy.
So dive deep.
(And if you have no idea what I mean by the tunnel and things such as that, read "A Story" and it should make at least a little more sense)
"But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when you will be scattered, each one going his own way, leaving me alone. Yet I am not alone because the Father is with me. I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."
John 16:32-33
Dive deep.
Originally Posted 6/17/08
Yeah. You could say I'm there.
The sheer insanity of life has caught up to me. I don't know whether this is just another phase of life or if it's the ravages of the war I talked about previously, and frankly I do not care in the least because right now I'm in that place where none of that really matters to me. For all of my "knowledge" and "wisdom" and "experience" and patience and will to hang on, I just can't do it right now. All I want to do is lay in my bed, curl up in a ball, and sleep my life away until it magically repairs itself into relative normalcy. I would kill for normal right now. I would give almost anything for it just to be put up on a shelf and left to fix itself and for me to never look back. And I hate the fact that I just am not the kind of person who can do that.
Why can't I just let it go!?!? I'm just so tired...so tired of fighting, of worrying, of stressing over things that only seem to bringing me down, of driving my mind into a depression that seems it will refuse to let up. And even when it seems to look like it might, just for a little while, oh wait here's something else so nope just kidding! That tunnel that does not exist...yep, I'm most definitely there. And I'm there alone. Why else do you think I'm here pouring my heart out where if I actually publish this the whole world can see my anguish and laugh. I don't want the pity, I definitely don't need it! So why am I doing this???
Why am I baring my vulnerability and failure and shortcoming and foolishness for the world to see??
Well one because when something is on my mind I like to write, and it just so happens that this allows me to vent in a way that is not physically harmful to anyone/anything.
But also because still, somewhere deep down, I pray that in my brokenness, in my pain, as I stumble through the darkness of the tunnel that does not exist, that someone can find hope. Find hope in my own humanity.
I am imperfect. I am a fool.
We all are.
And no matter who you are, where you are, what you're doing and where you're going, you'll find this tunnel. It is inevitable. Unfortunately, it's one of those sad facts of life, the result of a broken and fallen humanity in a cursed and doomed world.
But really, I am not alone. No matter how alone I feel, I am not alone.
But really, we are not alone. No matter how alone we feel, we are not alone.
Not only do we have the knowledge of each other in our own failure and humanity, but for those of us who are really blessed, we have the knowledge that there is this ridiculously awesome God who is so desperately in love with us. And yeah the words are easy, the reality definitely more difficult, but there is always a way that is provided for us. A crack in the tunnel. A flood of redemption. And white.
We may not see it for the tunnel, but that doesn't mean it isn't there. For is it the white that does not exist, or merely the tunnel? Interesting...
"What kind of damage could we do with this kind of knowledge...
What kind of suffering could we turn into hope...
What kind of bitterness could we turn into joy...
What kind of anguish could we turn into victory..."
So anyways I'm finished now. Please do not give me your pity, for even in this tunnel there is that chance to live and learn and be loved. And I have that knowledge, and the knowledge that really it will not kill me no matter how much longer it will continue to pain me. It'll take time, of course more time; of that I have no doubt. Maybe even more mental, emotional uncertainty and whole lot more praying. But as of yet, as the Word says, I haven't suffered yet to the point of shedding blood; and I am striving to continue the search for that "pure joy", for "the good". Because it's there, more real and more vibrant than any hopelessness of the tunnel that does not exist.
So do not pity me, but rejoice with me. Because I am a fool. And because no matter how lost I am in the tunnel that does not exist, I am not truly lost. No matter how alone, I am not truly alone.
And neither will you ever be.
Sorrow into joy.
So dive deep.
(And if you have no idea what I mean by the tunnel and things such as that, read "A Story" and it should make at least a little more sense)
"But the time is coming—indeed it’s here now—when you will be scattered, each one going his own way, leaving me alone. Yet I am not alone because the Father is with me. I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."
John 16:32-33
Dive deep.
Originally Posted 6/17/08
Thursday, June 12, 2008
A World At War
So I just finished this book.
And in the back of this book was a section about what the main plot centered on: demon possession and spiritual warfare. Now bear with me on this one...
"There is something in human nature that just doesn't want to face the reality that we live in two worlds. We live in the physical, material world where we have jobs, read books, and go about our business. And we live in a spiritual world--and that is a world at war." John Eldredge
And this got me thinking...
We live in a world at war...
All around us, every minute of every day, a battle of epic proportions is being fought over the very course of history. Really over everything period. Now granted this war was already won approximately 2000 years ago on this hill known as Golgotha, but battle rages on. As the book puts it, "These are merely its death throes, raging through the darkness. The bitter outrage of a defeated beast."
And very rarely do we actually see the physical affects of this war, except for in the few and far between cases of actual demon possession, and even then we truly have nothing to fear because victory is already God's. But then I read something else that got me thinking about that too...
"The battle is not the point. Evil is not the point. The point is the love story. We live in a love story that is set in the midst of war."
A love story.
In the middle of a war.
The most epic love story.
In the middle of the most epic war.
Better than any movie, book, or stretch of the human imaginiation. That is our reality.
There is a God who loves us so desperately that He came down and died for us. And since Satan obviously can't overthrow God Himself, what better way to cause Him torment than to destroy that which He cherishes about anything else; that which He made in His own image, that which He loves so intensely, that which He calls His bride, that which He died for. How better to mock that sacrifice than to coax away that which was sacrificed for. And to see it go so willingly!
We are caught in a world of war. We may not always see it, but then what better strategy to have than to convince the lamb that the lion does not exist?
And what's more, we are warriors in this war! Fighting alongside the greatest love of our life for the very souls of those around us, for eternity itself. And that is our reality.
So this thought interested me...we are called children of God, those that love Him, those who are to don the warrior's armour and fight for the Great Romance that such great sacrifice was made, those who have accepted this as reality with reckless abandon and undying commitment and loyalty. Those who are called to fight on the side of our God in this epic war. So as Satan sits at his war table and ponders all of this, he gets an idea. He knows our every weakness, is an expert in the nature of humanity with all its flaws and brilliance. And so why not attack with this knowledge? If he takes us out of commission not only does he cause God more pain but He keeps us from completing our mission and takes us more or less out of the war entirely!
Why do you think James said, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds"?? Because the very fact that we deal with all sorts of crap in life just goes to show that we are a threat! And we can only prove ourselves stronger for going though it; though of course not having troubles doesn't mean we aren't a threat, just blessed to have a reprieve from the struggles of reality, however brief.
The devil knows our weaknesses, knows our breaking points and so do the rest of the demons. In work, in school, in our relationships, in our pride, in our self image, in our fears, in every single possible aspect of out lives. In our humanity. And when he sees a threat he will stop at nothing to neutralize it using every weapon he has. It is war.
This is war.
"The real question is what to do with evil that isn't so demonstrative. It's much harder to believe in an enemy you can't see, now isn't it? And what's more, it's working in a frenzy, every day, every hour, unseen except in the few places where it becomes overindulgent and exposes itself to the world. [Evil] is destroyed. In a place called Golgotha, two thousand years ago. These are merely its death throes, raging against the darkness. The bitter outrage a defeated beast." Ted Dekker
What kind of damage could we do with this kind of knowledge...
What kind of suffering could we turn into hope...
What kind of bitterness could we turn into joy...
What kind of anguish could we turn into victory...
We live in a world of war.
Just food for thought....
Originally Posted 6/12/08
And in the back of this book was a section about what the main plot centered on: demon possession and spiritual warfare. Now bear with me on this one...
"There is something in human nature that just doesn't want to face the reality that we live in two worlds. We live in the physical, material world where we have jobs, read books, and go about our business. And we live in a spiritual world--and that is a world at war." John Eldredge
And this got me thinking...
We live in a world at war...
All around us, every minute of every day, a battle of epic proportions is being fought over the very course of history. Really over everything period. Now granted this war was already won approximately 2000 years ago on this hill known as Golgotha, but battle rages on. As the book puts it, "These are merely its death throes, raging through the darkness. The bitter outrage of a defeated beast."
And very rarely do we actually see the physical affects of this war, except for in the few and far between cases of actual demon possession, and even then we truly have nothing to fear because victory is already God's. But then I read something else that got me thinking about that too...
"The battle is not the point. Evil is not the point. The point is the love story. We live in a love story that is set in the midst of war."
A love story.
In the middle of a war.
The most epic love story.
In the middle of the most epic war.
Better than any movie, book, or stretch of the human imaginiation. That is our reality.
There is a God who loves us so desperately that He came down and died for us. And since Satan obviously can't overthrow God Himself, what better way to cause Him torment than to destroy that which He cherishes about anything else; that which He made in His own image, that which He loves so intensely, that which He calls His bride, that which He died for. How better to mock that sacrifice than to coax away that which was sacrificed for. And to see it go so willingly!
We are caught in a world of war. We may not always see it, but then what better strategy to have than to convince the lamb that the lion does not exist?
And what's more, we are warriors in this war! Fighting alongside the greatest love of our life for the very souls of those around us, for eternity itself. And that is our reality.
So this thought interested me...we are called children of God, those that love Him, those who are to don the warrior's armour and fight for the Great Romance that such great sacrifice was made, those who have accepted this as reality with reckless abandon and undying commitment and loyalty. Those who are called to fight on the side of our God in this epic war. So as Satan sits at his war table and ponders all of this, he gets an idea. He knows our every weakness, is an expert in the nature of humanity with all its flaws and brilliance. And so why not attack with this knowledge? If he takes us out of commission not only does he cause God more pain but He keeps us from completing our mission and takes us more or less out of the war entirely!
Why do you think James said, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds"?? Because the very fact that we deal with all sorts of crap in life just goes to show that we are a threat! And we can only prove ourselves stronger for going though it; though of course not having troubles doesn't mean we aren't a threat, just blessed to have a reprieve from the struggles of reality, however brief.
The devil knows our weaknesses, knows our breaking points and so do the rest of the demons. In work, in school, in our relationships, in our pride, in our self image, in our fears, in every single possible aspect of out lives. In our humanity. And when he sees a threat he will stop at nothing to neutralize it using every weapon he has. It is war.
This is war.
"The real question is what to do with evil that isn't so demonstrative. It's much harder to believe in an enemy you can't see, now isn't it? And what's more, it's working in a frenzy, every day, every hour, unseen except in the few places where it becomes overindulgent and exposes itself to the world. [Evil] is destroyed. In a place called Golgotha, two thousand years ago. These are merely its death throes, raging against the darkness. The bitter outrage a defeated beast." Ted Dekker
What kind of damage could we do with this kind of knowledge...
What kind of suffering could we turn into hope...
What kind of bitterness could we turn into joy...
What kind of anguish could we turn into victory...
We live in a world of war.
Just food for thought....
Originally Posted 6/12/08
Thursday, May 29, 2008
A Fool Among Fools
I am a fool. It is a recognition I have recently discovered and one that quite possibly may have the potential to be one of the most profound realizations any person may find themselves facing. And ironically this recognition is not in any way negative or debasing, but an opportunity to turn suffering into blessing, pain into joy. Foolishness into wisdom. To learn. To grow. This is what I mean...
Foolishness is an inherent component of the human condition. We are imperfect, depraved, prone to conduct ourselves in manners which only cause pain and suffering to ourselves and those around us; this is what allows us to learn and grow. I mean honestly, how often do we absolutely insist on learning the "hard way", indulging in our foolishness in hopes of reaping wisdom by our own means. But also how many times do we enter a situation, feeling so confident, so "ready", it sometimes even seeming like God Himself has reached down and placed something so good and great right into your hands, only to see it through and have it seemingly snatched away without even realizing what just happened. I mean, it was so good, so right, and yet the same God who had given has now taken! And here is where our foolishness bears itself for all to see. We cry out, we lash out, we blame, we criticize, we act rashly and foolishly and even just plain stupidly; we wonder why a God who is supposed to be so loving and caring and who is supposedly always looking out for us, who promised that He "causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose," would do something like this to us.
But that's just the thing.
He doesn't do it to us. He does it for us.
In our foolishness, we often cannot wrap our minds around the fact that truly all things do work together for good. Whether it is because of emotions or lack of understanding or whatever, whether we see it as a direct cause of something we have chosen to do or just another part of life, we find it so hard to believe that what is happening is really so good. Another great paradox. Sometimes we have to be hurt in order to really grow. This truth is everywhere: a field burned in order to nurture the soil and allow even more abundant life than before; a muscle broken down in order to build it back up even stronger than it was; allowing a doctor to cut into a body, to intentionally harm, in order to heal. In our foolishness, we are allowed to heal, to learn, to grow, returning even stronger than before. It is when we realize this, and the fact that we are fools, that we don't know everything, that no matter how much we believe ourselves to be ready we never really are at least not by ourselves within our own capacity, that foolishness begins to translate to wisdom. Our foolishness is a curse, yes, but also a blessing when looked at from the correct perspective. And the wisdom that comes with the realization that we are nothing but fools is a great thing to have, for there we find peace.
Peace with confliction. Peace within confliction.
And this is good. This is the good. Learning. Growing. Harvesting wisdom that perhaps we could not have had sown any other way.
I am but a fool. But I know my Maker is using my foolishness, my imperfection, my rashness, even my stupidity, to mold me, teach me, make me the man He has designed me to be.
I know I am a fool; I don't know all there is to know about this life and the interactions and relationships I will form and cherish and neither will I ever. But in my foolishness I have been blessed to have a God who will always be teaching me, even if when I cry out to Him it seems as though He has disappeared. Because yes, it will undoubtedly stretch my limited capacity for patience to its utter limits as time is an ingredient of unknown measure that is sometimes unfortunately essential to the process. Yes, it will test my composition and character and fortitude and willingness and obedience. But isn't that the point. Because He knows. He always does, because He is no fool. But as I am a fool, I can learn. And I am content with my foolishness. Sometimes we just have to search in spite of our foolishness to find that good. The good. Sometimes we have to dive deep. And it may burn, there is no question of that. We have to use our foolishness and whatever connotation and consequences that may bring with it in order to find wisdom. Otherwise what are we but fools wading in foolishness and hopelessness. And we are given this choice: to act as fools and fools only, or to strive to be more than such. And this choice is ours and ours alone. For love is the consistent underlying purpose behind it all, and without a choice love cannot exist. But that's a whole other spiel entirely (and oh how I so look forward to it!).
Peace within confliction.
I am a fool.
Originally Posted 5/29/08
Foolishness is an inherent component of the human condition. We are imperfect, depraved, prone to conduct ourselves in manners which only cause pain and suffering to ourselves and those around us; this is what allows us to learn and grow. I mean honestly, how often do we absolutely insist on learning the "hard way", indulging in our foolishness in hopes of reaping wisdom by our own means. But also how many times do we enter a situation, feeling so confident, so "ready", it sometimes even seeming like God Himself has reached down and placed something so good and great right into your hands, only to see it through and have it seemingly snatched away without even realizing what just happened. I mean, it was so good, so right, and yet the same God who had given has now taken! And here is where our foolishness bears itself for all to see. We cry out, we lash out, we blame, we criticize, we act rashly and foolishly and even just plain stupidly; we wonder why a God who is supposed to be so loving and caring and who is supposedly always looking out for us, who promised that He "causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose," would do something like this to us.
But that's just the thing.
He doesn't do it to us. He does it for us.
In our foolishness, we often cannot wrap our minds around the fact that truly all things do work together for good. Whether it is because of emotions or lack of understanding or whatever, whether we see it as a direct cause of something we have chosen to do or just another part of life, we find it so hard to believe that what is happening is really so good. Another great paradox. Sometimes we have to be hurt in order to really grow. This truth is everywhere: a field burned in order to nurture the soil and allow even more abundant life than before; a muscle broken down in order to build it back up even stronger than it was; allowing a doctor to cut into a body, to intentionally harm, in order to heal. In our foolishness, we are allowed to heal, to learn, to grow, returning even stronger than before. It is when we realize this, and the fact that we are fools, that we don't know everything, that no matter how much we believe ourselves to be ready we never really are at least not by ourselves within our own capacity, that foolishness begins to translate to wisdom. Our foolishness is a curse, yes, but also a blessing when looked at from the correct perspective. And the wisdom that comes with the realization that we are nothing but fools is a great thing to have, for there we find peace.
Peace with confliction. Peace within confliction.
And this is good. This is the good. Learning. Growing. Harvesting wisdom that perhaps we could not have had sown any other way.
I am but a fool. But I know my Maker is using my foolishness, my imperfection, my rashness, even my stupidity, to mold me, teach me, make me the man He has designed me to be.
I know I am a fool; I don't know all there is to know about this life and the interactions and relationships I will form and cherish and neither will I ever. But in my foolishness I have been blessed to have a God who will always be teaching me, even if when I cry out to Him it seems as though He has disappeared. Because yes, it will undoubtedly stretch my limited capacity for patience to its utter limits as time is an ingredient of unknown measure that is sometimes unfortunately essential to the process. Yes, it will test my composition and character and fortitude and willingness and obedience. But isn't that the point. Because He knows. He always does, because He is no fool. But as I am a fool, I can learn. And I am content with my foolishness. Sometimes we just have to search in spite of our foolishness to find that good. The good. Sometimes we have to dive deep. And it may burn, there is no question of that. We have to use our foolishness and whatever connotation and consequences that may bring with it in order to find wisdom. Otherwise what are we but fools wading in foolishness and hopelessness. And we are given this choice: to act as fools and fools only, or to strive to be more than such. And this choice is ours and ours alone. For love is the consistent underlying purpose behind it all, and without a choice love cannot exist. But that's a whole other spiel entirely (and oh how I so look forward to it!).
Peace within confliction.
I am a fool.
Originally Posted 5/29/08
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